Page 101 of Since We're Here
“What are you doing here, Cara?” I at leastsoundcalm.
“I need to talk to you.” Her voice causes a surge of emotion, which I try to mask. We haven’t talked in years. Why now?
I don’t answer verbally but flick my hands in the air.
She steps toward the table until she’s right next to it and shimmies off her winter coat.
“Damn, it smells awful back here.” She slides into the seat across from me. “I hate hanging out in breweries.”
I blink at her. Like Saoirse, Cara never had any interest in taking over the family business. She’d rather waitress in Dublin. I wonder if it drives Liam crazy? Or if he tries to get her to come work with him, like I do with my sister?
“Guess you’re not going to make small talk, huh.” She laughs lightly, then sighs when I don’t let my stony face crack. “Alright. I saw you kissing that woman at O’Brien’s the other night.”
I raise my eyebrows. Maddie’s plan worked.
“And it made me realize I needed to make things right with you before... my wedding. I’m getting married.”
Oh, she can feck right off.Any satisfied feelings disappear. I swallow hard, and her eyes flit to my throat, noticing. A lightning-fast memory reel goes through my mind: me proposing over white Christmas lights, her saying yes, then the excitement fading as time ticked by and we didn’t move forward with wedding plans.
“Congratulations.”
“That’s all you have to say?”
I feel my face twist. “It’s been five years since we split. We’re not friends. What would you like me to say?”
I hate how bitter I sound. I thought I was over feeling that way about her. When Maddie kissed me in front of Cara, I only cared about Maddie. But now negative emotions assault me from all directions.
She doesn’t say anything for a moment.
“How’s it going? At Slea Head? I know it was always your dream to take over. Must feel good.”
I cross my arms and keep my mouth shut. How dare she show up here and act like she belongs in this place. Like she cares about me. Like she knows me.
“You’re not making this easy.” She crumples her nose and squints her eyes shut for a beat. “When we were together, I know I messed up. A lot.”
“You think so?” Sarcasm drips off every syllable, but she doesn’t acknowledge it.
Cara looks around. “Can I get a drink?”
“No.”
She looks up at me and nods.
“I’m sorry. For all of it.”
“What are you sorry for?” I have a morbid curiosity to know what she’s thinking.
“For dragging you to Dublin when I knew you wanted to be in Dingle. For wasting your time when I knew...”
I intake air sharply. “Knew what? When?”
“I knew we would never get married. I knew it shortly after we got to Dublin.”
“I spent two years there,” I say, mostly to myself. “Wasted two years.”
“I’m sorry for not being faithful to you,” she whispers. “That’s not who I am.”
Maybe I just proposed that Christmas because I knew, deep down, that I was losing her, that what we had had already slipped through my fingers.
