Page 102 of Since We're Here
Maybe she said yes only because she was caught in the moment.
I don’t forgive her. I can’t. I can let it go, but I can’t accept her apology.
Cara searches my face for something and sighs deeply.
“There’s more you don’t know.”
“What more could there be?”Jaysus.
“I told Liam you cheated on me.” She scrunches her face, as if bracing herself for my reaction.
“What?”
All at once, everything becomes clear. How much Liam hated me after Cara and I broke up. How he wouldn’t talk to me. I’d assumed it was because of the breakup in general, but never imagined it was because he thought I’d fecked around on his little sister.
With that lie, Cara took away our future together, my friend, and created a business enemy for me.
“Why would you do that?” I was so confused by Liam’s rejection. And hurt. I hadn’t understood what I did wrong.
“Because I felt like a terrible person, and I couldn’t bear for my brother to think that about me, too.”
I wish she’d leave this place, but I can’t stop myself from asking another question.
“How did you know we wouldn’t make it?” I sound pathetic, but I need to know this. I need to know because I’m on the edge of something with Maddie, and I’m terrified. Maybe similar to how Cara’s feeling right now.
She studies my face, and I can almost see the thoughts swirling in her head as she decides what to say.
“You were always questioning where I was going, who I was with, what I was doing. You were so rigid. I felt like you pushed me away. You didn’t get me at all. We weren’t a fit, Patrick. So I found someone who was.”
I harden my jaw and keep my teeth clenched together. Her words scorch my heart. I did it. I chased her away.
“I don’t think I knew about us for sure until we lived in the same place. But it was obvious right away.” She fiddles with the sleeve of her sweater. “Our personalities didn’t work together. I’d get so offended by things you’d say... I think you meant well. I know I ruined it in the end, but we were broken long before then.”
I want to bang on the table and scream. I want to throw my laptop against the wall.
Most of all, I want Cara to go.
“Please leave.”
“Patrick . . .”
“I don’t owe you my time. Or an apology. And I’m not about to accept yours.”
She sighs and stands, clutching her jacket in her hand, and pauses for a beat before spinning around and disappearing through the door.
I wait for feelings to wash over me—sadness, despair, joy, anything. But I feel dead inside.
Maddie’s face crystallizes in my mind. Every day I’m with her, I fall more and more in love. But I know I’ll ruin it eventually. She likes me now... but eventually, I’ll just be number eleven to her. She’ll walk out on me. She’ll give up on us.
Like Cara did. And Noreen.
I’d forgotten for a minute. When I’m with Maddie, anything seems possible.
But Cara reminded me of the truth.
I won’t forget it again.
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