Page 160 of The Princesses of Ruin
She whimpers, nosing the door Emillia just left through.
“Yes, she’s gone,” I say, feeling the weight of that more than I want to. I push another forkful of eggs into my mouth, followed closely by potatoes. I swallow past the knot in my throat and force in another bite.
Yakshim claws at the door, and Brisha barks again.
“She’s gone!” I scream at the pups and they cower.
I slump to the floor, my chest aching. They assault me, licking and biting the bits of egg off my fingers and face. Sobs break throughtheir assault, but I can’t stop them. They lick me clean while I cry, and when the tears are done, I realize they should’ve never come at all.
Emillia is a strong woman.
She doesn’t want tears, or emotions, or any of that. If I want her, I have to hide it. I can show it to the pups. They love me. They’ll accept it. And Emillia, she’ll accept the rest.
I grab one dog under each arm and move toward the door.
“We have a captain to stop.”
I kick open the door and it’s the coolest thing I’ve ever done. Brisha and Yakshim yip so, too.
Where is she?
Alyse grumbles in my mind.“I hate that you and several others can rouse me with your requests. I’m not a fucking djinn.”
Where is she?
“Where else? Headed toward the docks. Take Kor’Tar. You’ll catch her easily.”
I run down the hall, the dogs jiggling in my arms like boneless worms. It would be faster if I left them, but left them with who? They’re our dogs.
Ours.
I get to the main landing and yell for a Spider. One addresses me quickly.
“I need Kor’Tar saddled, with saddlebags for each of these,” I say, holding up the dogs.
“Yes, sir.”
A flash of panic strikes in my belly as I realize I’m using our resources for a very selfish endeavor.
But fuck it. I’m never selfish. I’m always sacrificing and never getting. It’s my turn to get what I want. She’s the only thing I’ve everfelt so strongly about in my life, and I know that if I mess this up, I’ll hate myself forever.
I get the pups strapped into their walking harnesses and run outside with them. It’s well into spring, but still frigid as an ice-witch’s tit. They love it, and their collars don’t have to work as hard to shield their bodies.
They finally piss again as the Spider brings Kor’Tar around. The horse seems to scowl at me as I load one dog into each saddlebag.
“They’ve peed. I promise they won’t go again.”
He flaps his lips and gives a high nicker.
“Well, if they do, I’ll have you washed and brushed, oiled with the best stuff so you can look good for Winifred,” I say as I hop up into the saddle.
Kor’Tar neighs appreciatively and takes off. I grab the saddle horn and try not to yelp as he jostles me about. Horses were never my favorite, and there was no real reason for me to learn to ride. Still, the movement comes to me. I squeeze my legs against his side to hold on and lean down into his mane to hide my profile.
The pups bark in excitement and I look over my shoulder. Their heads poke out of the saddlebag flaps on either side of me. Their tongues are lolled out, muzzles open wide in a smile. I grab their leashes and tie them to my belt loop, just in case.
The horse seems to know where we’re going because I don’t lead him, yet he heads toward the dock. We pass under the massive archway of the Wall and into the recovering streets of the Upper Kingdom.
Many of the buildings are still charred, but they’ll be fixed. Fynren will heal. And they don’t need me anymore. I’ve done my part and served my time.
