Page 161 of The Princesses of Ruin
Kor’Tar is the fastest horse in the kingdom, so I’m not surprised when I find Emillia just dismounting on the pier. Her ship is abustle with activity and she immediately begins shouting orders.
We tromp all the way down the wharf and skid to a stop behind Emillia. She startles, whipping around with her pistol drawn. Her expression shifts from pinched annoyance to wide-eyed fear in a blink.
I dismount and get a step away from the horse before I’m yanked back by my pants. I curse as I fiddle with the leashes tied off on my belt loop, my hands trembling so hard I can’t unknot them. Emillia’s hands cover mine. The warmth of her is so comforting. I want to throw my arms around her and hold her, but I need to be a man. A manly man who doesn’t need help untying himself from his dogs.
Fuck.
She works the knot, smiling at me. “Decided to come see me off like all the rest, eh?”
I clench my jaw against the sting. “No. We’re coming with you.”
Her face softens. “Adrik…”
“You said I couldn’t handle the sea, or the things you do. Fine, maybe I can’t yet, but I will soon. And you need an alchemist on your ship. I’ve seen your sailors’ skin. They need a balm to protect them from the sun and moisturize because—”
She laughs.
“Skin health is important! Dry skin will split. Split skin can become infected. Infections at sea can kill!”
“I know they can…”
She gets the knot undone and steps back. I want to grab her, pull her back. A manly man would do that. I can do it.
I reach out for her but it’s not forceful or confident, but tentative. I touch her face, sliding my palm across her cheek until I’m cradling the back of her neck.
Her crew is watching us, waiting to see if they need to step in. I’m sure this has happened to her before. The thought makes me jealous…I might just be another temporary lover left at port.
No.
I won’t.
I’m not.
“I can be a better man. A stronger man. The right man for you.”
She closes her eyes and grabs my arm to pull me away, but I hold fast, not letting her break our contact.
“It’s not about strength, or being better, Adrik. You’re already such a good man.”
“Do you really want me to stay because you don’t want me? You don’t love me?” I ask.
Her eyes mist and her nose twitches. “I didn’t say that.”
“Then what are you saying?”
She sniffs and looks away.
I guide her face back to mine and she meets my gaze.
“What are you saying?”
“I can’t take you from them,” she whispers. “They need you.”
“ButIneedyou.”
She freezes, her fingers gripping my forearms so tightly it hurts, but I don’t dare tell her to let go.
“You don’t get to make my decisions, Emillia,” I say. “I’m choosing you.”
