Page 93 of Kiss-Fist
It’s going to be a lot for me to handle. I was always a bit of an outsider. I chose to read over socializing any chance I got. I wasn’t into sports or after-school activities, and while I had my own personal pride, I was never a walking parade for any of my identities. But most of the time, my isolation was self-imposed. I know that now. Better than I did when I was young and unsure of myself, at least.
Before reaching for the door handle, I grab my phone and check it. A small part of me hopes that Thom’s classes were canceled and he’s ready to come over now, even though I know talking to my family first is necessary.
I need to prepare them for him. I need to make sure they’re going to be easy. And gentle.
I need to make sure they keep their mouths shut and hands still about certain childhood stories and obnoxious sign names that Thom doesn’t need to know about yet.
Opening our latest text thread, I see the selfie Thom texted me of the two of us. It’s our first photo together. He snapped it last night while I was doing dishes. He snuck up behind me, wrapped one arm around me, and hooked his chin on my shoulder. I smiled out of reflex.
Just like I’m smiling now.
I look…happy. Different from the man I used to stare at in the mirror every morning. There’s something in my eyes that says this time—whatever this is with him—it’s real. It’s better than anything that came before him.
I’m not ready to say that of course. Not aloud to him or signed to myself. But it’s something I can quietly acknowledge as the feeling settles in my chest, pulsing like a second heartbeat. It was the feeling I had all morning that had me up before Thom, watching his face relaxed in sleep, knowing I put that tiny smile on his lips.
I never thought I would be that guy, but here I am.
The door in front of me wrenches open, startling the fuck out of me. My oldest brother, Quinn, is standing with his shoulder against the doorframe, grinning at me.
‘Hi,’ he signs after a long moment of just blinking.
I roll my eyes.
‘What are you looking at?’
Before I get the chance to tell him that it’s none of his fucking business, he snatches the phone from my hand and takes off running. He’s such a fucking bully. He’s also still faster than me, despite the hours I’ve been logging at the gym with Thom.
I manage a noise of outrage as I follow him, but my breath feels like it’s wheezing in my chest as I tear through the kitchen, past my mom, who’s signing, ‘Stop!’ angrily with loud hands. Quinn bursts out the back and is waving his hand, his mouth open, probably shouting for Theo, the middle brother, who has a decent amount of residual hearing.
And, like clockwork, Theo appears.
There’s no point in trying to stop this now. I sag againstthe railing as Quinn hits the grass and slings his arm around Theo’s neck, shoving the phone in his face.
I feel a comforting hand on my back and turn my head to see Alex, my brother-in-law. He’s been around so long I almost forget what life was like before he married my sister. He gives me a sympathetic look.
‘What dirt do they have this time?’
I sigh and pass a hand down my face, still trying to catch my breath, and then I turn my back to my brothers so they won’t be the first ones to get the information. ‘My boyfriend.’
Alex’s face lights up, and I quickly hold up my hands so he doesn’t start telling the world.
‘It’s new.’ I take a deep breath, but considering Alex is also hearing, he’s not going to give me as much shit as everyone else. Even though he’s well aware that the things I used to say were set in stone. ‘He’s not Deaf.’
His brows crawl up toward his forehead. ‘Really?’
‘Really?’ comes another set of hands. My sister appears at his side. She has jam smeared across her shirt, which is tight enough to show a bump. Alice hasn’t said anything, but I can tell by the way her face is kind of glowing, another little one for me to spoil is on the way. ‘He must be special.’
The deck under my feet vibrates, and I know that gait. My dad comes around the corner stairs and is shaking off his gardening gloves. His knees are covered in dirt, and so are my nieces, who are trailing after him.
The boyfriend moment’s interrupted by hello hugs and kisses and asking the girls how they’re doing. Their hands fly, telling me about their week and who said what on the playground, and why they both hate some little girl whosename starts with anLbecause she steals out of everyone’s pencil box.
My brothers know better than to interrupt when the kids are talking, but I can feel their presence behind me. My dad eventually takes pity on the boys, because he’s a fucking traitor, and calls the girls inside.
And then they descend, like a goddamn kettle of vultures.
My phone is in my face—the group chat has blown up because Quinn The Asshole has stolen a screenshot of mine and Thom’s selfie and texted it to the family group chat. As I take my device back, I can see that at least two of my cousins know his gym and have been there.
So…that’s great.
