Page 55 of Kiss-Fist
“I—yeah. I mean, I get it. You’re hot, I’m hot. Makes sense to assume, but no. That’s not what I’m doing here.”
He burst into laughter. “Well, I like your confidence. And the compliment…I think?” He signs ‘think.’
I grin and shrug. “I know my worth. But no, uh. I just…” I hesitate. There is no good segue into this. Lightning suddenly flashes in the window, and then thunder crashes so hard it rattles the windows.
We both jump.
“Oh, wow. I wasn’t expecting the storm to come on so quick. Better hurry,” he says. “I’m not married. I’m currently single. But I have been. A two-year mistake in my past. Why?”
“Were they hearing or Deaf?”
He looks less confused now. “Deaf, but I’ve dated hearing…people.” I hear the way he hesitates on the last word. He’s not sure if I’m some sexist, homophobic gym bro. I get it. You can never be too careful.
My feet start tapping out a rapid beat, and I’m trying to stay focused on the topic at hand, but it’s not easy.You’re doing this for Robbie, I remind myself. “Hypothetically, if I were interested in a Deaf guy—a real relationship, not just a sex fling—do you think that relationship could last?”
“Um, it depends. Communication can be a roadblock, and the cultural differences are profound. Not to mention, you’re still very new at this.”
“No, I know?—”
“But,” he interrupts, saying and signing the word at the same time. He switches fully to sign, slow enough for me to follow. ‘You’re learning very fast. And you seem like a go-with-the-flow kind of guy. I think you’d do well.’
Fuck, I appreciate everything he just signed. And the fact that I understood him. I feel like I could really fit in in that world. But that’s not what I’m getting at. That’s not why I’m here.
“There’s a guy. I like him a lot. I think we could be something, but I might have fucked up.”
Denver tilts his head to the side and motions for me to go on. There’s another crack of thunder, and suddenly, I can smell rain on the air through the open door. Shit. Thatdidcome on fast. We were expecting it, but not until later.
“I invited him out to dinner with my brother and his girlfriend,” I rush to explain.
“Which is a problem because…”
“I kind of didn’t ask him first.”
Denver’s brows fly up so high into his hairlinethey almost disappear. “Well, I don’t think being irritated by that is exclusive to Deaf men.”
“Right, yeah.” I rub the back of my neck. “But also, they kind of—sort of—don’t know any ASL.” I think. Dex doesn’t, but I’m not sure about Aminah. ‘I’m learning,’ I sign, which makes me feel a little ridiculous since he’s my freaking teacher. ‘But I’m not fluent.’
He winces and says aloud, “Ah.”
“I know I need to talk to him about it. But would you say yes? If you were him?”
He drums his fingers on the desk in thought, and I force myself not to look at them so I don’t get distracted. “I might. Depends on where we’re eating, but I also have the privilege of being able to hear with my implants, and I’m a damn good lipreader. I’ve also had years and years of speech therapy as a kid. Not to mention, I work in a predominantly hearing school with almost all hearing students. I know how to bridge that gap. Not every Deaf person has that ability. Or even wants to bother with it.”
I mull that over for a moment. Robbie works here with predominantly hearing people, and I could bring that up, but I’m too scared to tell Denver who he is.
Also, I don’t know if Robbie hears anything at all because I’ve never asked, like a jackass. But he doesn’t wear hearing aids, and he doesn’t speak to me with his voice. He makes little noises when we fool around that turn me on, but that’s it.
So yeah. Maybe Denver can’t give me the advice I’m looking for.
Maybe the only solution is talking to Robbie.
“I think—” His words are cut off by even louder thunder. He pulls his CIs off as if the sound is bothering him and switches to sign. ‘We have to go soon.’ The lights flicker. ‘Just talk to him like you did with me. Tell him what you want, what you think. The worst he can do is say no, right?’
That’s absolutely not the worst he can do. The worst would be for him to get raging pissed off, cuss me out in a language I don’t fully know yet, and then never see me again.
I would be gutted.
Ruined.
