Page 20 of Wine & Whiskey: Everything for You
“I need…”
Shae’s chest heaves up and down, the words lost in her gasps for air, bouncing across the almost empty garage. Nick slides his hands around her shoulders as she wobbles, keeping her from collapsing onto the concrete. Blank, blue eyes dart erratically, an empty expression darkening her beautiful face. Her hands flap and claw at her shirt, pulling it away from her neck as if it’s too tight.
Dr. Callahan’s warning flashes in his mind—”Her anxiety and fear levels are high…any more trauma could force her beyond her limits.” Black spots dance in front of his eyes from the relentless pounding in his head and heart. He’s got to bring her back. Rescue her from the terror engulfing her body, from the panic trying to smother the spark that lights both of their lives. If she tumbles over the edge, his world will plummet right along with her. “It’s okay, sweetness. Everything’s going to be all right.”
She winces and flails backwards, breaking his grip on her arms. “Carrie.”
Whatever she needs, it’s hers. He’ll give it to her, even if he gets pushed aside. Even if he doesn’t understand why, after all the challenges they’ve conquered, her instinct to run returns. Why she seeks comfort from someone other than him, when what they both love more than themselves has been ripped away from them. “Okay. I’ll take you to her. But not like this. You’ve got to calm down. Try and take a deep breath.”
Her head shakes as she trembles. “Don’t…be…mad.”
His stomach twists at her request. How can she think he would ever be angry with her? He cups her face, trying to meet her unfocused eyes, reminding her of the real emotion she generates in him. “I’m not. I just want to help you.”
“Tried…to be strong…” Wheezing mingles with her words, forcing them out in spurts. “Can’t…take you…freaking out…anymore.” He catches her as her legs buckle and lowers her to the ground. Kneeling together on the coarse floor, she rubs up and down against him, her panting breaths hot on his neck. “Too much…Juan…Carter…gun to my head.”
Shards of guilt blast through his body as his chest explodes. In the middle of her worst heartache, she shatters under the intensity of living in his fucked up world. The strain too much for her to cope with, the pressure of her sheltered life invaded by the chaos of his. His sweet angel, who always brings him back from the brink, who always soothes him when the fury descends. Forcing herself to create a façade to keep him going when all along she’s been shielding him from her own fears. And now, she’s finally exhausted all her strength to pretend any more.
“I promise no one’s going to hurt you ever again.” He lifts her hand and kisses it before pressing it over her mouth. “Breathe through your nose. It’ll make you stop hyperventilating.”
Her eyes lock with his as he covers her fingers with one hand while the other tightens around her shoulders, trying to slow her involuntary shudders. Searching her face for any signs of fear, he fights against the disgust crawling up his throat of holding her down, of putting his hand over her mouth, to help stop her panic attack. “That’s right. Trust me. You know I would never hurt you.”
The heaving begins to subside with shallow breaths warming his skin. Her body softens under his grip, and he draws her tighter against him. “I love you. I’m going to take care of you and get you the help you need to feel better. Everything’s going to be okay.”
Tears shine in her eyes, but her gaze never wavers from his. “Don’t cry. You’re doing great.” He tilts forward and kisses her forehead. “We’re going to get through this. No more freaking out or running away. Just you and me, together.”
With slow, even breaths, she nods at him. Her cheeks lift into a small smile under their coupled hands. His racing pulse slows at her grin, and he uncurls his fingers. Relief washes over him like a waterfall. She’s come back to him. “Better?”
“Yes.” At the release of his hand, her arms coil around his neck. Sorrow seeps through her whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
He nuzzles against her hair, the soft scent of flowers comforting him as much as her words. Even at her lowest, she lifts him up. Now, he’ll do the same for her. “Shhhh. You don’t have anything to apologize about.”
“Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. I thought I was fine and then everything came crashing down. I couldn’t catch my breath and all these memories of…” The trembling returns as her words falter. “I’m scared I’m going crazy.”
He’s terrified too. Out of his mind with worry that if he keeps his promise to do what’s best for her, they will be driven apart. “Don’t be afraid. Your body’s just responding to all of the stress. Tomorrow, I’m taking you to Dr. Meyer so she can help you get through this.”
“Okay.” Her soft tone drops even lower. “I was worried you were going to flip out over what she said about Evan when all I could think about was our baby.”
The doubt in her words is a harsh realization of how fucked up she thinks his priorities are. That his anger over that bastard is more important to him than her pain at losing their child. “I don’t give a damn about him. All I care about is you, making sure you’re all right.”
“I don’t know if I can be. I wanted this baby so much. I already loved him more than I ever imagined.”
Her cracking voice stabs his heart. She never asks for anything, expects nothing from him or anyone else. Yet, no amount of money or power lets him give her what she needs. “Me too, sweetness.”
“I had all these plans. I was going to make a nursery next to our room. Paint it white and yellow, maybe with a big, smiling sun. And take him to the beach and build him a swing set and buy him a dog.”
The perfect life with the perfect mother. Their baby would have been the luckiest person in the world to be loved by her. Just like he is. “It would’ve been great.”
“And now, it’s all gone.” She cries against his chest, her small fist gripping his shirt. “None of it can happen. He’s never going to know how much he meant to us. That even though he was a surprise how much we wanted him. How much we loved him.”
“He knows.” He chokes down the lump burning his throat, blinking back the tears rimming his eyes. The first time he’s cried since he was a kid. Now, as a parent, nothing has ever hurt him more, never made him feel more helpless. “He knows.”
He rocks her as she sobs, the rough pavement scratching his legs through his linen pants. Matching the guilt shredding his heart from what she’s endured. No explanation required for her need to escape. He’s dreamed of it so many times himself until he met her. She gives him a reprieve from the turmoil by just being with him, and now, he can offer her the same.
A few, last shaky, breaths blow against his neck before she quiets down. Her grip tightens around him, and he kisses her forehead as they sit in the dim light.
After a few minutes, he digs in his pocket and pulls out the car keys. Unfurling her curled fingers, he lays them in the palm of her hand. She stares at him, her face scrunched in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“I know what it feels like to want to get away.” He forces himself to smile before tucking a wayward hair behind her ear. “Do you want to go for a ride?” She stares at him, studying his expression, as if searching for the meaning behind his gesture. “No hidden message, I promise. Everything’s okay.”
