Page 60 of The Best Book Boyfriend
“It was their idea.”
“It sounds great,” I say, opening his front door. “See you tomorrow then.” My voice has never sounded this high pitched or chipper.Please don’t let me leave,I want to scream.
“Have a great date, Kara,” he says as I step out. He walks down the last few stairs and I wonder if he’s going to kiss me goodbye. I make a deal with myself. If he kisses me goodbye, I’ll come back in, I’ll cancel the date, we’ll go back to bed and this will be it. Me and him. Luke and Kara. Us.
There is no kiss. If anything, he puts distance between us, lingering in the hallway while I walk backwards down the garden path, waving like a maniac. I don’t even bother trying to latch the gate, I’ve already embarrassed myself enough. I round the corner of his hedge and when I hear his front door close, I burst into tears.
I don’t want to go on this date. After last night with Luke, all I want to do is take a long bath and go to bed at 3pm with a stack of books. My body seems to still be twitching in random places, my muscles remembering and craving his touch. I want to text him and tell him I had fun. I want to tell him I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. I want to tell him I want more.
As much as I’m loath to admit it, I have to go on this date with Jonty. I owe it to Claude, who is wonderful and who I know only wants the best for me. I hope I can get away with calling him Jon for short. I step into the shower and ignore the fact that half of the water is coming from my eyes.
I throw on a summer dress and a light cardigan that I hope sayshello I’m a very nice person. Would Luke like this outfit? I try to see myself through a stranger’s eyes. I’m OK, aren’t I? I look like someone people might want to get to know. Someone they’d treat kindly. Most importantly, I don’t think I look like a person who deserves to be broken up with and left without an explanation. Not that anyone does.
I spend so much time hoping he won’t hate me that I forget that dates are a two-way thing and it’s just as important that I’m interested too.
Chapter 24
Luke
Whatthehelljusthappened? How did we go from having the most incredible night together to me waving Kara off into the arms of another man?Fuck.I wanted to kiss her goodbye, but what kind of prick would kiss a woman who just told him she’s going on a date? I’m already messing with my own head, it’s not fair to mess with hers too.
‘Thank you for my night with Matthew.’ Those are the words spinning round and round in my head.
That’s what she’d dreamed of, and that’s what I gave her, but IamMatthew. Matthew is me. And though I could slip into his character, not once all night did I picture myself with Briony. Kara was the only woman I saw at dinner, in my hallway, over pancakes, and in my bed all night long.
‘Thank you for my night with Matthew.’
That’s how she sees it. A fake date, a one-night thing. One sensational, unforgettable night. At least it was for me, but she’s at home getting ready for her extremely not-fake date.
I didn’t know that’s how our night would end up. Obviously, I hoped, but the way she went along with it all felt so real to me. I thought it was the beginning of something between us. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up, thinking this was anything more than a bit of fun for her birthday. I’m an idiot.
I’m not on the staff rota for today, but I know I’ll just keep going round in circles if I stay in the house. I need a distraction, so I take a quick shower and head out.
“I didn’t think you were in today,” Katy says, pouring freshly foamed milk into a latte. There’s no point in having three of us behind the counter, and now that I’m here I don’t really want to face anyone.
“Thought I’d get a head start on the stock take,” I lie. Hiding in the cupboard, I’m even more ashamed, but I’m here now, so I crack on tallying up supplies. Jo brings me a coffee a while later.
“You OK, boss?”
“Yep.” I can’t face her, but she gives my arm a little squeeze.
“Let us know if you need anything, OK?”
I’m a terrible friend. Kara has been clear that’s all she wants from me, but then I’ve pushed her into this stupid sexy roleplay that I thought would make her happy, and it’s left me more confused than ever. But I think shewashappy. We both enjoyed ourselves, with none of the awkwardness from our night on the sofa.
I don’t think you can fake those kinds of kisses, and there was absolutely nothing fake about the way she clenched around me when she came. My dick twitches every time I think of it. How can she not want to do that again? Maybe she does, just not with me.
You can’t fake how good it felt to lie in bed together, either. Waking up with her in my arms, her head tucked into my chest, one hand slipped up underneath my t-shirt. I could have held her like that all day. I had to distract myself with a book, so I didn’t just lie there staring at her. Now I wish I’d spent every second memorising her hair fanned out across my pillow, the little freckles across her nose, the curve of her neck just begging for soft kisses.
Was that really nothing? Am I totally deluded? I should have kissed her. I should have woken her up with kisses and pulled her on top of me and convinced her to stay for more.
Back home I try to watch a movie but I fuck myself over by clock watching all night. She’ll be meeting him now. He’ll be checking her out. They’ll be eating their starters now. He’ll be touching her knee under the table. Filling her wine glass. Tucking a stray bit of hair behind her ear. Asking her about her childhood and her hopes and dreams and sowing the seeds that he’ll be coming along for the ride. All the things Book Boyfriends do. All the things I want to be doing. The thought of someone else’s hands on her is unbearable.
By the time I go to bed, I can’t resist it any longer. I’ll never sleep if I don’t ask.
Luke:How did your date go?
I know it’s none of my business and she’s totally within her rights to tell me to piss off. I get up and go downstairs for a glass of water, pacing the kitchen when her reply makes my phone buzz in my hand.
