Page 41 of Canyon of Deceit
“From what you’ve learned, what drives him other than what we discussed?”
Blane pressed his lips together. “His young critical years were met with neglect, abuse, and abandonment. I believe his grandmother worked hard to make up for what he’d missed, but the hurt and pain wouldn’t allow him to choose the right path or move past his unmet needs. In my opinion, he’s searching to soothe his pain by inflicting suffering on others.”
I stood on shaky legs and paced. The scrape on my leg stung. “He’s dangerous. A highly intelligent killer who has nothing to lose.”
“I agree. His actions border on suicide. Life is hell for him, and death may look like a reward.”
“How sad a soul is lost who sees no path forward.” I paused. “I have no idea who said that. But it fits.”
“We need a strategy and firepower. I recommend we wait for backup. We’re defenseless without weapons.”
Blane spoke wisdom, but I couldn’t bring myself to agree. “The longer we wait to find Alina, the more her chances of survival decrease.”
“How do you propose we free her? Defend ourselves? Do you have a bow and arrow in your backpack? Some magic flash of lightning to call up from your God?” He stopped abruptly. “I’m sorry. This isn’t a time to argue.”
I’d failed Kate, but giving up on Alina meant another little girl’s death. Injustice surged in me, hot and irrational, like moments ago when I swam upstream in a river of emotion. “I promised Rurik—”
“To do your best to free his daughter. Your best doesn’t mean to fight against incredible odds and sacrifice your life.”
“You don’t understand. I’ve failed.”
Blane frowned. “By allowing backup to help us?”
“Just say it. Forget the negotiation trash. Say it!”
“Why is it so important to rescue Alina on your own?”
His in-control and quiet mannerisms were meant to calm me, so I’d return to some type of a civilized human. But my rage burned hotter. “Didn’t you hear me? One more time I’ve failed.”
The lines around his eyes softened. “That’s not true. You haven’t failed anyone but your own high expectations. And those aren’t realistic. You are the survival expert, the guide, the one who can hike these mountains blindfolded.” He took a step closer. “You have nothing to prove to anyone.”
His words hit too close to the truth. I drew back to slap him, but he grabbed my wrist. “Therese, I’m not the enemy. Never have been.”
“Let go of me.” I trembled. When had I ever experienced such anger?
“Breathe in and out.”
My emotions were off the charts and impossible to rein in.Lord, help me.Shame washed over me as though I’d bathed in mud.
“Inhale with me.” Blane released my wrist. “I’ll help you.”
Who was I, and why had I let fear rule me? I certainly hadn’t handled this morning well. I conceded to Blane’s bidding, and my rage lessened. We breathed together again. “Blane. I’m sorry. I’m the one who is supposed to show you how being a Christian makes a difference.”
“You could have pushed me over these rocks.”
I blinked back wetness and gave him a weak smile. “That’s little consolation.”
“Think about all you’ve been through. Since Rurik called you at 2:00 a.m. on Thursday, you’ve raced to find Alina. Daria’s remainswere discovered burned. You’ve been shot. Rurik’s withheld information. Chandler’s stolen our weapons. We’ve met repeated defeating moments. Anyone else would have given up long ago, but not you, Therese Palmer. You are overflowing with despair and bravery.”
I valued his gift of empathy, but he’d forgotten one important factor. “This hasn’t been a me-experience but a we-experience. You’ve walked with me every step of the way. I appreciate you, and I’m sorry for the trouble I’ve caused this morning.”
“It’s okay. Be on the lookout. My finer moments will come riding in like a herd of mustangs. Might send you to the hills.” He held his satellite phone in his left hand. “I’m calling Sergio and requesting all the backup available ASAP.”
“I... suppose you’re right. I’m better.” I gulped. “So humiliated.”
“No need. We’re good. My guess is today triggered something from the past.” He started to say more but touched my arm instead and stared into my eyes. “When this is over, we can talk if you like. Or I can recommend a professional counselor.”
I met his gaze. No hint of condemnation. “Thank you. I’ll think about it.” I pointed to his phone. “I’ll look for a spot to land a helo.”
