Was this sensitivity a result of his memory loss, or had he always been like this?
Even if his mind didn’t recall his past sexual experiences, surely his body would still remember. Or maybe it really was an example of mind over matter. His brain couldn’t recall any previous experiences, so his body reacted the same as a virgin.
Wait…
Following that line of thinking, could Ellis even consent?
Without memories to draw from, he may not even understand what he was agreeing to.
“Please.” Ellis tugged at my shoulders. “Please, don’t stop.”
While wracked with indecision, I’d completely stopped moving. Ellis desperately writhed against me, wrapping one leg around my hips to bring our bodies closer.
Rather than listen to his demands, I sat up enough to look directly into his eyes.
“Please, what? What do you want?”
With his wrists still pinned to the floor, he shook his head back and forth. “I don’t know. You. I just… want you.”
“No.” By moving his arms higher above his head, I was able to hold both his wrists in one hand. This left me a hand free to grip his chin and force him to look directly at me. “I need you to tell me specifically. What do you want?”
His other leg hooked around my hips as well, giving him leverage to grind against me.
“F… fuck me. Please.”
His voice was small, and his face burned so brightly with embarrassment that it was practically a beacon in the night. Yet, his words were still unmistakably clear and there was no hesitation in his eyes.
Fuck it. I sighed to myself.
How could I deny such a direct invitation?
“All right.” I pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “But not here.”
Even if he wasn’t truly a virgin, without his memories it wasn’t that different. I’d be damned if I let his first remembered sexual experience happen on the dirty floor of my workshop.
Climbing to my feet, I took Ellis by the hand and guided him out of the workshop and inside the back door to my house. He followed me eagerly, clinging to my guiding hand as if afraid I would suddenly disappear. The distance from my workshop to my bedroom wasn’t very long, but it still gave me enough time to think, and I didn’t like where my thoughts were going.
This was a bad idea. For so many reasons. Forget about the ethical dilemma of sleeping with someone suffering from amnesia. This wasn’t the time to get distracted by my own desires. Creed was missing, Magnus was upset, and we still had a whole mystery of a cult and an unidentified dead body to solve.
But damn it all, I was so tired of the constant worry. Just for one night, I wanted to forget about everything weighing on my mind.
Did that make me selfish?
Probably. But that was something that my future self could deal with. My current self was going to cast everything aside and indulge in one night of fun before reality slapped me upside the head in the morning.
I didn’t bother turning on any lights. It was a full moon tonight, and the curtains were open, illuminating the room in a glow of silver.
My first instinct was to grab Ellis and pull his clothes off. Get down to business before I could second guess myself. However, as I started pulling at the buttons of his shirt, I stopped. We’d moved from the workshop to the bedroom specifically so Ellis could have a good first remembered experience. Acting like too much of a brute now would ruin everything.
Unless it turned out that’s what he wanted.
Testing the waters, I carefully pushed him back until his legs hit the edge of the bed. Then, with slow gentle movements that he could easily pull away from if he wanted, I pressed forward just a little more. He tipped back and fell onto the bed, bouncing when he hit the mattress, so he landed in a disarrayed tangle of limbs.
“Brody?”
In contrast to his body, his voice was delightfully small as he looked up at me.
For the first time, I could admit to myself that, physically, Ellis was just my type. I’d always preferred partners that were a similar size as me. It meant I didn’t have to be as careful or fear accidentally breaking them. Yet, I also preferred to be the one in charge. I had to take enough orders during my career as a soldier, and didn’t want that same dynamic to follow me into the bedroom.