Page 81 of Grave Misgivings
He is good.
He’s fucking perfect.
And I think I might be falling in love with him.
CHAPTER 20
Zeb
I tossmy keys on the counter as Geo brings in the last of my equipment.
I can’t stop thinking about his words this morning, our damn near breathless makeout, coupled with his meltdown in my car.
Just this morning, he’d touched me, kissed me and told me he’d lived most of his life being told what he felt waswrong,or that he shouldn’t feel it.
And because of everything he’d been through, he felt immenseguiltover his feelings, and as such, exploring those feelings came at a cost for him.
But as I watch him plop down on my couch, grabbing for my acoustic, I can’t help but see the strength in him he doesn’t see in himself.
It takes a brave person to put their feelings first. To choose differently.
I can’t help but think about my own defectiveness, and at that moment, I feel like I need to tell him the truth.
I take a seat next to him as he strums absentmindedly.
“I’m defective, too, you know,” I say casually.
Geo looks at me from beneath his thick glasses. “Somehow, I doubt that. But I appreciate you trying to make me feel better.”
I shake my head. “I lost my virginity when I was fifteen.”
His expression pales.
“I was dealing with my feelings the only way I knew how. Getting drunk and doing shit I wasn’t supposed to.”
“Is that something you regret?” he asks.
I shrug. “Not the initial moment. I learned pretty quickly what guys liked, and I thought if I could just do that... if I could just be goodenough,that maybe one of them would actually wantme.”
I shake my head. “But they didn’t. Some came back, but, they didn’t want anything other than sex, and I remember thinking, ‘at least I’m good at that’.” I scoff.
“And despite the fact I take care of myself, have a pretty good music career, and I’m clean as a damn whistle, I can’t even keep a guy around for breakfast anymore. So, believe me when I tell you, you’re not alone. We’re all fucked up in our way, you know?”
Geo shifts closer to me as he strums away.
“What... what’s it like?” he asks quietly.
I lean back on the couch, settling into the cushions. “What’s what like?” I ask.
Geo licks his lips. “Sex. With... a guy, I mean. Does it hurt?” His dark eyes glisten, and I don’t miss the way his fingers deftly strum away at the chords.
“Depends if you’re the top or the bottom.” I smirk.
Geo looks at me from beneath his thick frames, his lashes standing out against his pale skin.
“So... which are you?” he asks quietly, and I can’t help my grin.
“Bottom.”
