Page 78 of Grave Misgivings
I shake her off. “What the hell, mom?”
She smiles at me, a sparkle in her blue eyes. “Got a little something there,” she says. “Must be your allergies, baby.”
Allergies, my fucking ass.
We both stand, and she links her arm in mine once more.
“Told you he was good.” She leads me through the gardens, and for a moment I think maybe she has changed. But then she speaks. “So... how are things in Hollywood, baby?”
I tense. Like a shark, my mother can smell fear, so I try to remain indifferent.
“Good, I guess.”
She casts me a rueful gaze. “Your last two albums barely scratched the billboard charts,” she says pensively.
I frown. Great, she’s been keeping tabs. Though, I don’t know why she wouldn’t, if only for a moment precisely like this one. To throw it in my face and make me feel like a failure.
“It’s not the songs that are the issue,” I bite.
She sighs. “So what is it then?” she asks as we stop at an arrangement of cactuses.
“Does it really matter?” I ask, pulling my arm away from her.
“Of course it matters. If it’s something I can help you with?—”
I shake my head. “Doubt it, mom.”
She sighs, looking up at the flower arch in front of us. “Are you seeing anyone?” she asks, and I close my eyes.
I want to say yes, but I don’t even know if I am technicallyseeinganyone. I’m kissing him. I’m coming in my fucking pants, but I don’t know if I’m messing around, seeing, or dating him.
So, I settle on the safe answer, which is probably truer than I want to admit.
“No,” I reply.
She purses her lips. “You’re going to be forty Saturday, baby.”
I grind my teeth. “Yeah, thanks for the reminder, I totally forgot.” I roll my eyes.
“I’m just saying, you aren’t getting any younger. You can’t be a bachelor forever.”
The audacity of this woman.
How dare she tell me I need to settle down, I need to find someone, when she and my father were so adamant I remainabstinentfor the majority of my fucking life.
It’s because ofthem, because of their “morals” that I am the way I am.
“You think Iwantto be alone, mom?” I snap, feeling a flush of heat.
“Of course not,” she says, her eyebrows furrowing. “I didn’t mean?—”
“No, you never do, that’s the problem mom. You nevermeanto hurt me, but you do.”
“What is that’s supposed to mean?” she asks.
“Nothing.” I hold myself tight.
“Baby, talk to me, tell me what’s wrong...”
