Page 186 of Wicked Believer
Because I didn’t stop to consider that I needed to protect her. Her along with so many others. Team No Apocalypse? I almost scoff.
My mother would be ashamed of me.
I’ve become exactly like her.
A woman trapped by the will of a more powerful man.
The choice Lilith stole from me is about so much more than who my romantic partner is, about who I choose to fuck.
She robbed me of any chance or opportunity I might have had to self-actualize, to become self-reliant, my own person.
All my life I’ve been under the control of powerful men, and her son is no different.
Just as prideful. Just as wicked. Just as ruled by sin and greed.
The only difference is that Lucifer allowed me access to an extraordinary world. A more sinful, seductive side of myself that, at the time, empowered me.
I thought it was a stepping stone, and for a while, it was.
But really, now it’s just the gilded cage I accused him of trying to keep me in.
And I’ll stay forever trapped in that cage until I spend some time on my own, building my own life, making my own choiceswithouthis influence.
I’ll never know if he’s the one I’d choose.
If I don’t start changing things.
For once, I need to rely on myself.
Something in my throat tightens.
This whole time it wasn’t Lucifer who was taking my choices away.
It was me.
It’s always been up to me.
Despite how weak our connection’s become, Lucifer must realize the depth of what I’ve discovered, because he steps back slightly, like he senses the space I need, and he doesn’t just respect it, he yields to it.
“I can’t do this, Lucifer. I can’t.”
His eyes narrow as he watches me. “Tell me you mean the awards show.” Though we both know that’s not what I mean.
“No.” I shake my head. “No.” I inhale a deep breath. “Please don’t make me say it.”
Lucifer’s expression turns cold. “Ask me for what you want.”
“I . . .”
Suddenly, I feel my heart in my throat.
Thisis what he’s been training me for.
To be capable of standing by his side. Making my own decisions.
And now I see the true path before me.
Queen of my own life. Queen of my own goddamn choices.
