Page 33 of Derek
Once she walks off, I run my hands over my pajama pants as I sit on the couch and turn the tv on. I glance at her purple tote bag and smirk at the pictures printed all over it. They are of Indy in princess gowns with hospital staff and kids at different events. My eyes focus on one of her dressed up, her long hair in a loose braid with little flowers in it and a gold tiara on her head. She’s sitting in a recliner chair next to a young boy, maybe ten, both have masks over their faces, but I can still tell by her eyes that she’s grinning. The boy has some kind of knitted cap on. It’s brown with green Yoda ears sticking out the sides. Both of them have an IV—Indy’s is in her arm, and the boy has one in his chest.
“That’s Ollie.” Her voice startles me. How long have I been looking at the picture?
“Huh?” Is my intelligent response as I stare at her. She’s swimming in my long sleeve green shirt that stops mid-thigh. Her legs are so smooth looking, and it’s making me feel and think things I shouldn’t. Like finding out how they would feel wrapped around my head.
Indy gestures to the photo at the center of the collage as she sits down. “Ollie, he was my infusion buddy a few months back.”
“Oh, his hat is cool.” That seems to make her happy.
“Thanks! I made it for him. I try to make one for a lot of the kids, but with my hands this last relapse, it’s been hard. I’m almost done with Reegan’s.”
“Why are you so nice?” I say quickly, without realizing it. But I don’t understand, what does she get out of doing all of this?
Her smile softens. “These kids are the strongest, bravest little humans you’ll ever meet. They aren’t angry or bitter. The kids there, they go through a lot and are scared. The parents are full of worry and exhaustion. And when I go, I feel like, for that time, they get to feel a little less scared. The hats make it more bearable. The stories and songs lift up the spirits of them and their family. I no longer have the stamina or ability to be a nurse, so this is my way of helping in any capacity I can.”
“But, why?” I don’t understand. I’ve seen what she hides behind her masks, I’ve seen the anger, and I am familiar with her sadness. So why go and unnecessarily put herself in a position where she has to be happy?
She shrugs. “Sadly, many of the kids I see don’t make it out of the hospital after my visit. I like to think that I made at least one of their last days a little less sad.”
It’s hard for me to swallow as her words sink in. I can’t imagine seeing what she has and continuing to smile and volunteer. I don’t want to ask, but I can’t stop myself. “How is Ollie?”
Indy’s sad smile falls further as she sets the bag aside. “Passed away ten days after that photo.” She reaches into her bag and grabs her phone, “Alright, I’ll call my friend for you.”
“W-wait,” I hold my hand out and cover her phone. “Indy, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
She gives me a confused look before smiling. “You didn’t. I don’t mind talking about my kiddos. In fact, despite it hurting, I like it. I like what I do. Yeah, it’s exhausting, and between funding the non-profit and my medical co-pays, I barely have enough money for food, let alone an apartment, but I feel important. I feel like I’m not some obligation to those kids. I feel like I make a small difference, and I love them all for each lesson they’ve taught me along the way. So don’t take my sadness as a negative. I’m sad because I miss them, and that’s okay. It’s okay to miss someone. What’s not okay is allowing that sadness to stop you from reaching out again.”
I shift, suddenly uncomfortable with how deeply her words are hitting me. Thankfully, Indy starts tapping on her phone. She puts it on speaker as it begins to ring. After a few seconds, the call is accepted, and a lower feminine voice comes over the speaker.
“Fucken Indy Johnson. What’s up, Cupcake?” I can’t help but smirk. I was a little nervous about who Indy might recommend as a live-in nurse for my family. I was terrified it would be some timid girl like Indy. But this woman with her deeper, stronger voice that seems to hold quite the attitude, maybe she’ll be alright.
“Ozzy!” Indy grins and… Ozzy? That’s an odd name. “Are you still looking for a job?”
“I mean, you know I’m in Maryland, baby, but I’ll travel to the moon for you.” I look at Indy. Is this woman flirty with her? Indy seems unfazed.
“Good to know, but actually, this is for a friend of mine.”Friend.I don’t like that, even though I said she and I are friends to Ash and the guys, her saying it annoys me in a way I hadn’t expected. “His dad is ill and lives on a ranch in Virginia, so it would be a live-in position.”
“Who lives there with the father?” Ozzy’s voice is tentative as she speaks. I clear my throat.
“It’s a large ranch, so there would be ranch hands coming and going, but the people living in the main house are my mother and three brothers. You would have your own place though- a bedroom, sitting room, and bathroom all to yourself.” Ozzy is quiet for a moment before letting out a breath.
“Indy, are they alright?” She asks, and I watch Indy glance over at me.
“Yeah Oz, I promise, you’re safe there.” Ozzy exhales before responding.
“Alright, well, send me the information. I’ll start getting my shit together here.” I let out a sigh of relief as Indy and Ozzy say their goodbyes.
“Indy, I can’t thank you enough,” I say as she beams at me.
“No problem, I’m glad I can help! Ozzy is amazing, but… she’s really ummm…” She taps her chin as she tries to think of the word. “Just make sure your brothers don’t provoke her.” I hold out my pinky.
“You have my word.” Indy doesn’t take my pinky. Instead, she stares at my wrist. Looking down, I see it. My bracelet that has been hidden under my long sleeve shirt is now on full display. The one she gave me, the one that I always wear, but always keep hidden.
“You–”
“Don’t,” I say sharply as I stand up. “Indy, donotsay a fucking word.” I point at her. I’m starting to feel backed into a corner. She wasn’t supposed to see that. She wasn’t supposed to know. I feel my heart rate spike and my body grow hot as her eyes focus on my bracelet. She stands and moves towards me. I move back, and we continue this until I reach the wall.
“Why?” she asks when she comes to a stop right in front of me.
