Page 65 of Ash
“No,” Wade shakes his head. “I’m tired. I’m just going to go to bed.” I watch as he clicks his tongue to make Alice follow him to his room before he shuts the door. I walk into my room, shutting my own door before sliding down it and choking out a sob. My heart is in pieces, not only for my boy, but for myself too. I glare through my unshed tears at my wall, the wall we’ve communicated with each other through for months. I hate that wall, and I hate how much I miss his knocks. It’s only been four days, but it feels like an eternity. I storm up to the wall and smack it out of anger. That feels kind of good. I do it again and again. I need more though, and I begin hitting it with the side of my fist.
“You’re such an asshole!” I cry out as I hit it again. In my blinding emotional heartbreak, I cock my fist back and punch the wall with everything I have. A very dumb move on my part as my fist comes in contact with the fucking stud in the wall. I let out a cry of pain as I pull my fist back and clutch it to my chest.
“Sunday!” Ash’s voice is booming and authoritative as I hear him run through my apartment, coming into my room. As soon as his eyes land on me, his face softens. “Oh my God, Sunshine.” I sob at my nickname as he runs over and looks from me to the dent in the wall, back to me. “Let me see.”
“No,” I cry stubbornly, still guarding my throbbing fist. “Go away. You shouldn’t be here.”
“Well, what did you think I was going to do? I heard all that banging, and I thought you were having a seizure or…” I watch his face twist and I scrunch my face in confusion.
“Or what? That I had some guy in here after four days?” Ash winces, and I know the thought most definitely had been in his mind. Anger and indignation bloom inside me.
“Well, four days may be enough for you to hop on to the next woman, but I need just a little more time,” I snap before brushing by him.
“Sunday, I’m in love with you,” Ash blurts out to my retreating figure. I freeze before staring back at him.
“What?” I squeak.
“I-I’m in love with you, and I’m in love with Wade. I am a mess. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I can drink, though. I hate myself and I hate that I somehow managed to take the greatest thing imaginable and fuck it all up because I’m so scared.” I watch his pained expression and his body shaking, and I feel myself giving in, but as much as I want to wrap him up in a hug and take his anxiety away, I can’t.
“I’m sorry you are scared,” I say, trying to find my nerve. “And I’m sorry that things ended the way they did. But I can’t play games. This isn’t just my heart, Ash, I have a boy in there who is broken.” I watch Ash’s eyes go glassy and a tear slips down his tense jaw.
“You will never know.” he coughs, trying to clear his throat. “How sorry I am that I hurt you, and especially him. Sunday, please… let me fix this.”
I give him a weak shrug. “I don’t think you can, Ash. I have to be able to trust that when things get real, the person I love isn’t going to run. How can I trust you to stay?”
“Move in with me,” he blurts out. “Buy a house with me… I don’t know. I won’t leave you. Please.” Ash drops to his knees. “Sunday, I am so in love with you it’s causing me physical pain not being near you. Please.”
“Mom?” My head snaps up and through my tears, I see Wade standing in my doorway, his eyes wide. “What is he doing here?”
“Hey, bud.” Ash tries, but Wade ignores him, staring directly at me.
“I hurt my hand,” I say calmly. “Ash heard on the other side of the wall and was checking on me.”
“Are you alright?” Wade asks, his eyes landing on my bleeding hand.
“Yeah, babe.” I give him a tight smile. “Just a stupid accident.”
“Bud, why don’t you get your mama a bag of frozen veggies and a towel?” Ash says, and at first, I think my son is going to fight him, but Wade tenses his jaw and nods before walking out of the room.
I sit down on the bed, suddenly feeling way too tired.
“I’ll get some stuff tomorrow and fix that hole,” Ash says, and I look up at the fist dent in my drywall.
“I can handle it,” I groan as I rest my head in my hand.
“I want to,” Ash says firmly and I roll my eyes.
“I don’t forgive you,” I growl out. “I won’t forgive you just like that.”
“I know,” he replies. “But I do know that this,” he says as he gestures between us. “This isn’t where our story ends, Sunshine.”
I huff out a dry laugh. “Oh yeah, and how do you know that?”
He kneels down in front of me and pulls back the long sleeve of my shirt, revealing the red yarn. I squeak out a cry as he kisses the bracelet on the inside of my wrist. “Because my sweet, beautiful, Sunshine, if our story was over, our string would have been cut and yet, there it is.”
“It’s a piece of yarn you wrapped around a starburst bag,” I say, trying to act like it means nothing to me. He nods, and I see the softest of smiles pull at his lips. I look over his face for the first time and my heart hurts. He looks so tired. His tan skin looks dull and pale, his hair is unkempt, his eyes are bloodshot, red-rimmed with dark circles around them. Add to that his scruffy face, he almost looks like a different person.
“So, you have the tie, and I have the Starburst.” I knit my brows in confusion.
