Page 66 of Ash
“What?” Ash pulls his shirt over his head, and I look at the tattoo on the center of his chest.
“Oh my God.” I look from the large orange Starburst back to him. “Are you an idiot? What the hell!” Even as I try to scold him, I feel myself smiling for the first time in days.
“Mom?” Wade’s voice pulls me back and I see him walking in with a wrapped pack for my hand. “Why is he–is that a tattoo of candy?” The humor on his face relaxes me.
“Uhh, yeah,” Ash says sheepishly. “I guess I was trying to show your mama how much she means to me.”
“You probably could’ve just told her you loved her and saved yourself the tattoo that I’m definitely going to make fun of.” Ash lets out a laugh, though it’s different from his usual laugh. This one is tired and unsure.
“You’re right, bud. I should tell the people I love how I feel. Despite how scared I am.” Ash takes a breath before looking directly at my son. “Wade, you are a great kid. You’re smart, funny, and a kick-ass artist. You are honest and you take great care of your mama. Every minute I’ve gotten to spend with you so far, have been some of the best times of my life. You are a very good young man and I have no doubt you’ll grow up and do amazing things. And I want you to know that I will always be here for you, no matter what. I love you, bud.” I press my lips together tightly as hot tears roll down my face. Wade stares, eyes wide and mouth agape at Ash, before taking a step forward and wrapping his arms around him.
“You love me?” Wade asks in such an astonished tone that I choke out another sob.
“I do.” Ash’s voice cracks as he hugs Wade back. “I know I’m not your dad but, Wade, you are so amazing and if you are the closest thing I ever have to a son, then I call it a win.”
“If you’re the closest thing I ever get to a dad, I call that a win, too,” Wade murmurs, and I hear Ash clear his throat as he tries to hide his own sobs. Wade and Ash stay there for a moment before Wade gives Ash and me some privacy to talk.
I take a deep breath when Ash sits on the bed next to me and clasps his hands in between his knees. “Sunday, when we first met,” he chuckles . “You were so far out of my league, and you still are. I mean, you’re this gorgeous as hell woman with this sexy as fuck accent and a no shit’s given attitude. Then we got to talking and I just, I felt like I was talking to someone I’ve known my entire existence. We ate at that taco truck and danced under the streetlights until it started to rain. I had never known a feeling like that.” He looks over at me, he looks so beat down, it takes everything inside me not to reach for him as he continues.
“All I kept thinking was how I was going to fuck up that night, and then I did. Which further solidified everything I already knew. My father, Shannon, my mom’s exes–I’d get close enough to show vulnerability and then they would disappear. Or I would fuck up somehow and drive them away. Either way, I would be left broken and alone. When we started talking this last time, all I kept thinking was how I knew…I fucking knewthat if I wasn’t careful, you would destroy me, because you had before. I never stopped thinking about you, Sunshine. And then I met Wade, and got to know him more, and then the late nights together. I don’t really know if there was a time I wasn’t in love with you. And it scared me, it still does. I’m terrified of being vulnerable and getting hurt and left again.” He takes a shaky breath and rubs his hands together nervously.
“I’m scared too,” I say softly as I wince when the bag moves. Ash notices and kneels in front of me to hold the bag on my hand. “I’m so scared that you’ll get tired of us and leave. Or things will get too hard. And I’ll be left to mend both my heart and his.” I gesture to my closed bedroom door and Ash nods.
“I know, and I could say it won’t happen, but it did. So…” he sighs as he stands up, letting go of the bag. “I’m not going to ask you to take me back. In fact, if you wanted to get back together, I would tell you no.”
“W-what?” I ask as I feel the blood drain from my face. “Then why are you here? Why say those things to me? To W–” He holds a finger to my lips.
“My God, you talk a lot,” he chuckles and shakes his head. “I haven’t earned the right to be back with you. And besides, when we do get back together, I want it to be real. I want us to move in together, and I want boyfriend and girlfriend labels. I want you to have stability and security. I want you to trust me. And I want to give you, and Wade, all those things. So, I’m going to win you back.”
“Okay,” I say cautiously. “How so? And how long will this take?” He shrugs.
“We have time, Sunshine.”
Chapter29
Ash
Atlas shakes his head. “I can’t believe this.” He chuckles as we walk around the empty house. Our feet echoing off the light hardwood flooring.
“What? You don’t like it?” I ask with a smirk as I look at the large eat-in kitchen with new appliances. Before heading down the hallway together.
“Well, of course, I do. I just always thought you would be in that damn apartment forever.” There’s a primary bedroom with an en suite, and two other bedrooms that are bigger than the bedroom I have now.
“Yeah, well, I think it’s time to start putting down some roots. Plus, I want to be next door to my nephew.” Atlas’ smile triples at the mention of his due-any-day baby boy, who they’ve decided to name Howard.
“My poor sweet Ren is so over this pregnancy. I feel so bad for her. Her whole-body hurts and Howie refuses to stay head down so the poor girl is not sleeping or breathing well.”
“When is she due?” I ask as we head out of my new house. I just signed the papers on the property next door to Atlas and Ren an hour ago and I haven’t told anyone but Atlas.
“Tomorrow, but if she doesn’t go into labor by Wednesday, they’ll induce her.” I cross my fingers as I give my friend a hug and slap on the back before hopping into my car and driving off. It’s been a wild time these last few months.
Indy moved back in with me for about two months before having another relapse. She ended up in the hospital for a month and while there, got talked into starting up her nonprofit again for the children’s hospital. I was against it because of her condition, so I obviously got told to pound salt and she moved back in with Stevie, where she’s been for about six or eight weeks now. Stevie started doing extended piercing hours a few days a week, so Indy works nights with her. I'm not a fan, but I have to accept that Indy is an adult, capable of making adult decisions, and those decisions will not always align with my thinking. Or something like that. My therapist says it way better.
I am six months into my therapy sessions. I was going twice a week until we got me on medication to help with my anxiety disorder as well as some exercises to help me when I feel like I’m not enough or the people that I love will leave me. It’s been a difficult road, but now I’m at one session a week, on a medication that is helping me, and I feel a lot less afraid.
I flip through my touchscreen on my car until I find the contact I’m looking for. I hit the phone icon, and it rings four damn times before the uneven, crackling voice comes on.
“Hey, Ash.” Wade says and I can tell he’s distracted.
