Page 62 of Ash
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I sitin my empty dance studio, staring at my lock screen photo. I haven’t changed it from the photo of the three of us at the amusement park. Why did I say that to him?
“Because I do love him, and I shouldn’t have to be in a relationship where my partner doesn’t love me,” I mutter as I look around. Today was open enrollment for my kids’ ballet classes, and no one has come. I haven’t received a single sign up. Because no one wants to have their kids taught by an ex-stripper.
I walk into the ballet room and look at the wall of mirrors and the barre. Sighing, I reach in the locker I had put in here and pull out my pointe shoes. I had broken them in at Stevie’s yesterday and she thought I was insane, but you can’t use these things brand new. Plus, you have to sew them and everything else. As I sit on the floor and slip my foot into the shoe, I hum softly while wrapping and tying the ribbon securely around my ankle. Once I do the other, I stand and hop on to my toe a couple of times, ensuring I’m in them properly before going through routine warm-ups.
I had hoped that this would somehow calm me, but now all I see is failure. I’m going to have to sell this place now. How embarrassing. Losing the man I love and my dream business all within a couple days of each other and without really getting to experience either of them.
I finish out the Grand Jete move, nailing the mid-air split and once I land, I stumble when I see a woman and her two children standing in the doorway.
“Oh my God, hi.” I say through my pants.
“Wow,” the blonde boy, who is probably no more than eight, breathes out. “That was so cool!”
“Yeah!” the equally blonde girl beside him squeals. His sister most likely. “Can we do that?”
“Hi,” the woman smiles. “I know we are a little late, but there was an accident on the interstate. I’m Denise, and these are my kids, Philip and Lacy. They are interested in signing up for your beginner classes if there are any spots left?”
I have to swallow the lump back in my throat and hold the tears at bay as I give her a smile and nod. “Yeah,” I manage softly. “Absolutely, come on out front and I’ll give you the papers.”
So, it’s not the mad rush I was hoping for. But it’s a start, and after all, everything isn’t always easy. Sometimes they take a lot of work, and a little patience and understanding.
Chapter27
Ash
The sound of Sunday’s apartment door opening grabs my attention and I quickly run out of my apartment and come face to face with Wade.
“Oh, hey, bud,” I say nervously. “I-is your mom home?”
“She’s at Stevie’s,” Wade whispers. “I’m just here grabbing some clothes and some food for Alice.”
“Oh. Are you guys coming back soon?” Wade refuses to meet my gaze. “Or do you need a ride back there?”
“Luca is waiting for me downstairs.” Wade goes to walk away, but I stop him.
“Wade, I don’t know what you’ve heard but, I’m sorry. I–I was an idiot. I didn't mean to hurt your mom.” Wade finally looks up and I see his bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes. It breaks my fucking heart. “God, Wade, and I never meant to hurt you.”
Wade shrugs, “It’s cool, I get it. You don’t love us. I overheard mom when she was talking to Stevie and Indy yesterday. You don’t want to love us, and Mom isn’t going to let anyone hurt us again. Though, I think she was a little late on this one.”
“Wade…” I sigh. “It’s not like that. I just, what if it doesn’t work out? Never mind, you are too young to be in the middle of this.”
“But I am!” Wade yells. “I am in the middle of this because she’s my mom and you…” Tears roll down his cheeks as he tries to stay in control of his emotions. “If you didn’t see all of us together, you should’ve stayed away.” He sniffles as he glares at the floor.
“A week ago, I would’ve given anything to have you as a dad.” My breath catches in my throat as I stare at him, eyes wide. “But now, I realize,” he lets out a short laugh. “You are worse than Josh. Because you made us fall in love with you and believe in some happy ending. You made us feel wanted, at least until we wanted too much from you, I guess. At least with Josh, I knew where I really stood. I should’ve never begged mom to keep us here. This is all my fault.” I go to reach for him, but Wade pulls away. “Fuck you, Ash.” He walks away without looking back, leaving me standing alone in the hall as he runs to the elevator.
Walking back into my empty apartment, I close the door and slide down it.I’ve fucked up.I’ve fucked up more than I ever thought was possible and I don’t know what to do to fix it. Or if I even can. The girls are keeping Sunday barricaded, and the coffee shop is guarded by Stevie’s mother and grandmother and their knives. For a shop with the logo of a cartoon coffee and donut, they seem to have a lot of sharp, oddly large knives lying around.
Sighing, I stand up and walk over to my small bar cart and pluck a random bottle before removing the cap and taking a swig. All I can hear in my head is my mother’s words from the resort, playing over and over in my brain.
“If she is letting you get close to that portion of her world, then she’s already decided where you fit into her life.”
Mom was telling me then what was coming. And I knew it. I knew then that Sunday was developing feelings for me. Why didn’t I back off? Why didn’t I just move on and leave them alone?
Because you had also decided where they were fitting into your life. Because you let her get closer to a part of your world that no one else had.
“Shut up!” I scream at my brain before taking another drink from the bottle. My brain stops talking, and instead I get images. The starbursts, the smiles, the wall knocks, the phone calls ending in her snoring, her terrible singing in the shower, heaving her over my shoulder to leave the bar and smacking her ass, her standing up for me to Shannon, even when I wasn’t around. The red piece of yarn around her wrist…
