Page 59 of Ash
“Y-yeah? Um... living together?”
“I meant as neighbors, don’t have a coronary.” I try not to acknowledge the hurt I feel at his sigh and relieved laugh.
“Right, right… Well, I just wanted to call and talk to you for a minute before the next round of battle starts. Have a good night, Sunshine.”
“Yeah, good night, Charming,” I say as I disconnect the call.Commitment is hard for him, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want it.At least that is what I keep telling myself.
Chapter25
Ash
“This place is amazing.” Sunday is nearly in tears as she looks around the newly finished studio. The guys and I have spent the better part of a month tearing it down and rebuilding it in our limited off time from Hel’s. And now, seeing her face lit up so brightly and her smile so big, it was all worth it.
“I’m glad you like it, Sunshine.” I smile as I kiss her gently. As she stares in wonder at the room with the soft white walls, ballet barre and mirrors. I watch her do this adorable as fuck little squeal dance thing before she looks back at me and wraps her arms around my neck.
“This is the greatest thing anyone has ever done for me.” She squeezes me to her before lifting up on her tiptoes and kissing me again.
“I love you.” Cold washes over me at her words and as I stare at her, I notice her entire body go rigid.
“I—” My voice cracks.What do I say? How do I fucking make words?
“Hey!” Stevie’s voice interrupts us, and Sunday instantly moves from me, her eyes round and horrified. She shakes her head and looks toward Sunday before giving her a hug. “I got a bunch of food out in the car. You know Baka ain’t letting me go to a party without desserts.” Sunday gives me one last mortified look and I reach out to grab her, but she moves away and follows Stevie and Janie back outside.
I rub the ache in my chest. This is bad. Why would she say something like that? We’ve been so good, great even. I am having so much fun with her and Wade. We go out and do stuff a couple times a week, and we talk on the phone regularly. We watch TV at night, sometimes we fall asleep on the phone, and I get to listen to her snoring.
Why would she say that!? Things are perfect, we are doing great as this committed-casual-situationship. Love shouldn’t be involved. Even though lately I’ve had this overwhelming feeling to want her close to me all the time. To touch her, kiss her, fuck, just to stare at her. Those feelings have been terrifying the absolute fuck out of me. Partially because I don’t know what it is or why I’m feeling it, and partially because I think I actuallydoknow what the feeling is. And I don’t know if it’s a feeling I’m comfortable with.
“What’s with the face?” Atlas asks as he walks over to me.
“Nothing,” I mutter. “Where’s Ren?”
“Outside with the girls. Ren is showing them her newest ultrasound pictures.” I nod as I take a breath, trying to calm my anxiety down.
“Dude, you don’t look good,” Atlas says, drawing the attention of Fox. “What’s going on?”
I rub my chest as I bend over at the waist, trying to get a deep breath in. “I’m fine, just tired.” I need to get myself under control before Sunday comes back in.
“Ash,” Atlas pats my shoulder. “Something is obviously happening. Talk to us.”
“Maybe I should go get Sunday,” Fox says.
“No!” I bark out. “I-I don’t want her to see me like this, just–give me a fucking minute.”
I take another breath before standing up, facing my friends. “She said…” I have to take another breath. “She said she loves me. I think it was a slip, but… she just said it.” I watch as Atlas and Fox both give me similar smirks.
“Stop it,” I order, pointing at them. “Knock it off.”
“This is a good thing!” Atlas beams, and I shake my head.
“It is not!” I breathe out, “How on Earth could this be a good thing?”
Fox furrows his brows. “Because she loves you, and you love her? How is that not a good thing?”
“I don’t love Sunday!” I deny loudly.
There is a second of silence before I hear Janie cough. Looking behind Atlas, I see that all the women are in the doorway, including…oh no. God, why? What in the fuck did I do to piss you offthismuch?
“Well then.” Sunday lets out an embarrassed laugh that feels like a stab into my chest. “I’m glad you are able to be so open and honest, but maybe try not to shout it to everyone next time?” I watch every single wall I’ve spent these last month’s tearing down fly right back up. Never in my life have I regretted anything more than I do right now. Fuck, not even the night I ran out was as regrettable as this moment right here.
