Page 58 of Afterglow
“You don’t have to justify anything, I won’t judge you. But you have to promise me something,”
“Anything,”
“You will take care of yourself by going back to your psychologist. And if there comes a day you don’t want to go, or you are overcome with anxious thoughts, it’s me you come to first.”
Theo swallows the lump in his throat. “I want to take care of you even on the days you think you don’t deserve or need it.”
I smile. Accepting Theo's help and care goes against my nature but I've never felt safer than when I'm in his arms.
“I promise,”
Chapter 27
Jazmine Allen
Iam happy.
My therapist’s office is no longer daunting. The walls are steady in place, nothing is trapping me or making me want to run for the hills.
It’s concerning.
The guilt is eating me away, I feel like the pin is going to drop and everything will break. Theo has been the best, messaging me all the time, telling me how excited he is for our date. I’ve never felt this way with a guy before so it is daunting, however, I want to go all inwith Theo.
Tonight is Jayden’s first home game for the season. The stakes are even higher as they are playing Nevada. So, there are two rivalries in play: Lakewood versus Nevada and Jayden versus Willow. Although Theo doesn’t want to class this as our first date, I’d like to think it is.
“Jazmine, are you still with me?”
My attention snaps back to Dr Gray. “Sorry, I’m just thinking.” The smile on my face is contagious as my psychologist nods her head.
“This is one of the first times I’ve seen you smile when you’re thinking. That probably seems like a strange observation; however, I can normally tell when you start to overthink things.” Dr Gray pauses. “Is this about your friend, Theo, did you say his name was?”
“He’s my boyfriend, yeah.” In the past, the word boyfriendwould sting when it left my tongue but now, I want to scream it from rooftops.
I want everyone to know Theodore Knight ismine.
“I’m proud of you Jazmine,”
My eyes water at her simple comment. These past few years have been so overwhelming and frustrating. As a psychology student, being unable to make progress—well progress I could see, made me feel as if it was impossible.
Yet here I am, smiling like a giddy school girl over her boyfriend and finally having different aspects of my life balanced.
“Thank you, Dr Gray. I’m still a little apprehensive but I think it’s in my nature to be unsure sometimes,”
“As I’ve said before Jazmine, it is okay to not have everything figured out especially as you heal. You have come a long way since our first session,”
I smile. “Lately, I have tried to relinquish my desire to control everything all the time. My bad habits would slip through any crack and take over me. So, now whenever it happens, I journal everything that’s on my mind.”
Dr Gray smiles, liking the idea. She always tells me acknowledging my emotions is the best way to heal as it allows us to keep track of triggers and feelings that linger or return often.
“Theo has been helping me stay accountable. It’s nice to have someone who sees my worst side and still wants me,”
My first boyfriend wanted me to change, to fit into a mould that suited his needs. But that’s not who I am.
I’m Jazmine fucking Allen.
I am enough.
***
