Page 39 of The Close-Up
Simon’s jaw goes slack, as if I just told him I’m a member of the Illuminati. “You’re joking...right?”
“I’m dead serious. Not all guys are as sexually enlightened as you. I mean, a lot say that they are, but when it comes to sex toys, that couldn’t be further from the truth. In my experience, at least.”
One of the reasons I and so many other women drooled over Simon as a cam guy was because of how open-minded he was in the bedroom with the women he was with. They often used sex toys in their play together. Their openness and willingness inspired me to purchase my very first vibrator as a sexually shy nineteen-year-old. I contemplate revealing that tidbit of personal information but decide against it. I’m already on an oversharing kick as it is.
I clear my throat. “A lot of guys thought it was a personal attack on their sexual prowess that I wanted to use sex toys on my own and even more so when I wanted to use them on myself while I was with them. I think they took it like being with only them wasn’t enough. But that wasn’t the case at all.”
Simon nods along, a mix of seriousness and sincerity in his stare. “Exactly. Different things get people off. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with using sex toys in any situation. I’m sorry that guys made you feel that way, but I need you to understand: it does not make you undateable. It just makes them insecure pricks.”
His reassurance sends a wave of warm and fuzzies through me. “Thanks. That’s nice of you.”
“Seriously. It’s off-the-charts hot when a woman is confident in herself sexually.”
His words cause my mouth to go dry. Hearing him admit that he finds this quality of mine attractive is so sexy.
If I didn’t already know what a supportive and engaging person Simon is in his real life to those he cares about, I’d think he’s flirting with me. But he’s not. He’s just being a good friend—like I was being to him. Nothing more. Nothing less.
The sportsmanlike pat on the shoulder he gives me is another reminder of how platonic our acquaintance is in this moment.
“Thanks. That’s...good to know,” I manage to mutter after a few seconds.
I direct him to take a right at the upcoming street. Harper’s apartment is a few blocks down.
“And just for the record, you disliking Valentine’s Day is low on the list of things that could ever make a guy undateable. Especially a guy like you who is good-looking, sensitive, emotionally mature, and gainfully employed.”
“Oh, you haven’t heard the worst of it, Naomi.”
I wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t. Instead he continues to stare at the ground as we walk.
“Why don’t you tell me, then?”
He looks straight ahead, like he’s considering. I gently tug at his arm to get him to look at me. We stop walking.
“Hey.” I point at myself. “Friend. Remember?”
A small smile cracks out of him, but a second later it’s gone.
“The real reason things ended with my most recent ex is the same reason why every relationship I’ve had after Tessa has failed.” The heavy sigh he lets out matches the weightiness of his demeanor. “It’s because I used to cam. My ex wasn’t a fan.”
My chest tightens. Something a lot like protectiveness rockets through me.
“Are you serious?”
“Yup. Surprising, isn’t it? You’d think San Francisco would be the easiest place in the world to find a like-minded partner. But I’ve realized that no matter where in the world you live, a lot of people seem to have the same hang-ups about sex, specifically anything related to camming.”
He tugs a hand through his hair. “The worst thing about it is, they all started out the same. They initially said they were okay with my past. But eventually the truth comes out. You can’t hide it forever.”
“I’m sorry, Simon.”
“It’s all right.”
“It’s not, though. What you did as a cam guy was amazing. Do you know how many female friends of mine had unsatisfying sexual experiences because the dude they were sleeping with had no idea what he was doing? Or because he educated himself by watching degrading, unrealistic porn?”
A guy unlocking the door to his apartment in front of us whips his head to look in our direction when I say the word “porn.” I mutter “sorry” then offer a cheery, “Have a nice night!” as we walk by.
I turn back to Simon. “When my friends and I found you online, it changed everything. Thanks to you, we had somewhere to send our boyfriends so they could learn exactly what we wanted. You helped a lot of people, more than I think you know.”
As I speak, I notice the slow turn of Simon’s features. His mouth isn’t in a hard line anymore and his eyes shine a tad brighter.
