Page 38 of The Close-Up
He gazes ahead at the busy street ahead of us. It’s almost midnight but San Francisco is still very much alive on this Saturday night. We stop at the edge of the street and wait as a cable car glides by. Half the passengers holler nonsensical noises at us and wave as they pass. Simon and I wave back.
“I used to be one of those insensitive a-holes who thought Valentine’s Day was pointless. The epitome of a commercial holiday,” Simon says as we cross the street. “It felt like greeting card companies and jewelry stores manufactured it to guilt guys into spending way too much money on pointless crap. Tessa disagreed. She said she didn’t care what the holiday meant; it was an excuse to be romantic. She always wanted to us to go out to dinner, exchange gifts, flowers, all that. But I was more interested in proving a point than recognizing what really mattered: that my partner wanted me to meet her needs in this completely reasonable way. That day was important to her, and for that reason alone, it should have mattered to me. But I was selfish. I didn’t get it at all.”
“We’ve all done hurtful and insensitive stuff. Every single one of us.”
He takes a long breath in, his posture straightening. “Honestly, we weren’t right for each other anyway. I can see that now.”
“How so?”
“She wanted to spend her life traveling the world. I wanted to settle down in San Francisco, go to grad school, be close to my family. It was never going to work. It was sad ending things, but I knew it was the right thing to do. We’re still on good terms. She’s making her way across Asia with her fiancé currently. I’m happy for her, truly. But still. I recognize that even though we weren’t meant to be, our relationship would have been better had I been a more empathetic partner.”
“I think the fact that you recognize this about yourself shows how much you’ve grown.”
We walk up a steep hill, stopping as another cable car crosses, but this one is only half-full with much quieter passengers.
“That was a bit of a weird confession,” Simon says through a laugh when we start walking again.
I turn to him. “Look, I know that we’re thrown together because of work circumstances, but I’d like to think that we’re getting to be pretty good friends now. Any time you want to talk, I’m here.”
I’m holding his arm, gazing into his eyes as I say it, hoping he understands just how much I mean it.
His soft smile indicates my words hit home. “Well, now you know one of the many things that make me a good candidate for a relationship ban of my own,” he jokes. “Or at the very least difficult for someone to want to date.”
“You hate Valentine’s Day? That’s child’s play compared to what makes me undateable.”
“Really?”
“Hell yes, really. Wanna hear my list of impressively undateable qualities?”
He nods, the look in his eyes something between doubtful and expectant.
“I can’t deal with loud snorers, so if a guy I’m dating snores, I give him two options: start wearing one of those breathing strips on his nose, or sleep on the couch.”
Simon cackles so loud, a guy riding a bike in the street next to us jerks his head in our direction.
“I’m nice enough to buy the first box,” I say. “But after that he’s on his own.”
“That’s not terrible. Sleeping with a loud snorer is the worst. What else you got?”
“I call dibs on all restaurant leftovers. It doesn’t matter if you want them for lunch the next day. If I see them in the refrigerator and I’m hungry, they’re mine.”
“What if they’re labeled?”
“Nope. Food is a nonnegotiable for me. I’m extremely selfish in that respect.”
“What else?”
“Work comes before relationships, always. I’ve canceled so many dates, I’m probably on some sort of dating app blacklist right now.”
He lets out a sympathetic wince. “Damn, so we’re both workaholics, then?”
When I high-five him in affirmation, he laughs yet again.
“I hate it when the guy I’m dating chats while I’m watching TV or a movie. So if I’m watching something, it needs to be as quiet as a church. Oh, and the most embarrassing one.”
I take a breath before I gear up to admit my biggest offense. This is something I have no problem admitting to my friends. And if Simon and I are now friends, I should be honest with him too—especially since he was just honest with me about his ex.
“I have an extensive array of sex toys. Sadly, a lot of the men I’ve been with have found that threatening.”
