Page 108 of The Close-Up
“Um, yeah.”
“Ah, I see.” I can almost hear the smile in her voice. “Well, here’s the thing. No one can tell you you’re in love with someone. It’s a feeling.”
“I know that.” I sigh. “It’s just... What if your feelings are a mess? And your brain is a mess too? So you have no idea how to feel or what to do...” I drift off, fully aware that I’m making zero sense.
The sound of Mom’s chuckling throws me. “Anak, there wasn’t a moment where a light bulb went off in my head and I suddenly knew I was in love with your dad. It was just this sense of comfort and joy that kept growing the longer I was with him. No one before him ever made me feel that way—so taken care of, so comfortable, so happy.”
Her explanation sends a jolt to my chest. That’s exactly how Simon makes me feel.
“That sounds amazing. Easy, almost.”
Her laugh echoes against my ear. “Oh,anak. It wasn’t easy.”
“Well, you and Dad make it look easy. You’re the perfect couple. You’re a hard act to follow.”
“There’s no such thing as perfect, Naomi.”
“Maybe not, but you two come close.”
“Anak, what makes you think we’re perfect? We fight just like any other couple. We get on each other’s nerves. Sometimes we can’t stand each other.”
“Mom, I don’t remember any of this growing up. I mean, I remember a few arguments, but they were never serious.”
She sighs. “That’s because we purposely didn’t fight in front of you kids.”
“Oh.”
She pauses for a moment. “You said something a bit ago. ‘You’re a hard act to follow.’”
“Well, yeah. My whole life you two made marriage look easy. I’ve always struggled with my relationships. They’ve all ended in flames. I figured I was doing something wrong, picking the wrong guy. I kind of assumed I was bad at them.”
“Oh,anak.”
I flinch at the dejection in her voice.
“Maybe I should have told you this, but I suppose now’s the right time.”
There’s a quiet moment where it sounds like she’s taking a breath.
“Your dad and I were separated for a while. Before you were born, when your brother was a baby.”
“What?”
If a light breeze happened to blow through the living room at that moment, I’d topple over. Never in a million years did I ever expect to hear my mom say that.
“You and Dad were separated?”
“For a short time, yes.”
“What happened?”
She sighs. “I had postpartum depression after having your brother. Your dad was so busy with work and wasn’t giving me the support I needed. I ended up almost having a breakdown. So I took your brother and left. And I only came back when your dad promised to change his work hours so that I could get the help I needed.”
Her voice shakes, and my eyes start to burn.
“Mom, I’m sorry.”
“It was hard to get through. So hard.” She stops for a few seconds. “When I left, it really shook your dad. I told him I wasn’t coming back unless we got marriage counseling to figure out how to move on together. So we did. We saw a therapist every week for almost two years after that. And we still see a counselor from time to time, on and off over the years. Whenever it feels like we’re arguing too much or hitting a rough patch or one of us is going through something difficult and emotional.”
