Page 41 of Playing With Secrets
He turns away and rubs his chest. “You’re the only one allowed to experience the hurt that loss caused. I was just some donor, so it can’t mean anything to me, right?”
My stomach clenches as I take in his words. My mind reels and my heart cries, all while searching for a way to salvage our relationship.
He starts in before I can. “You still have your family, all your friends, and a guy to hold and comfort you at night when you want to die just so you don’t have to feel anything anymore.”
His body shakes as he continues. “Fuck me for not understanding your grief. I’m just some shallow guy you had a one-night stand with. Besides, what the fuck would I know about loss? And why would I care, right?”
“Jami, I never knew… I never thought… I didn’t consider you at the time. I’m so sorry.”
“You picked him that night even when we sharedsomething incredibly intertwined.” He blows a gust of air from his lungs in resignation.
“I’m sorry.” It comes out as a whisper.
“Go to Hunter and get him off all you want. I won’t be thinking about what you do with him anymore. As a matter of fact, I think it’s time I start seriously dating.”
“Jami, now you’re just trying to hurt me.”
“I’m doing no such thing. I’m preparing you for what’s going to happen. This love triangle is over. It’s my turn for someone to love me back and choose me. I might find it on the first time out, but if I don’t, I will have fun exploring my options.”
I stand stunned, with my mouth hanging open. He continues to let his feelings be known.
“What you do with him is your business. What I’ll be doing… Well, you know how I am in bed, so use your imagination.” He holds my horrified stare and doesn’t blink until I tear my eyes away.
This all went terribly wrong.
I shuffle back to the chair, trying to find a way to get this back in the right direction. “Jami, you’re lashing out and being cruel.”
“And again, it’s okay when you do it to me, but fuck me when I do it to you.”
He returns to his desk, sits, and absentmindedly moves a pen. “We’re done here. Unless it’s work-related, I don’t want to speak to you anymore. You don’t get that part of me ever again.”
I catch his icy gaze with mine. “So that’s it. You can just walk away without trying to talk this through?”
His eyes narrow, and he leans toward me. “If you can tell me why you thought the night we lost something we both loved and wanted, it was perfectly fine to put another man’s dick in your mouth, I’ll consider it.”
“Why do you keep bringing that up? I was hurting. It wasa mistake.” I collapse into the chair. “I was trying to escape it all because it was too painful. God, Jami. I thought you were pissed at me for not being more careful. Please don’t hold that against me for life.”
“You’re a fucking hypocrite. You and I went out on one date. I made a mistake by going to the hospital to see a sick friend without communicating well with you. Sure, I fucked up, but I owned up to it and took responsibility for it.”
“I know you did.”
“I’m not done speaking.” He spews with revenge. “You saw me at a club later, giving myself a break from the stress. I was doing nothing wrong other than talking to another woman. You jumped to conclusions and blocked me out of your life without hesitation.”
I place my hands on the arms of the chair and lean toward him. “We worked that out already.”
“But you cut me out of your life for a while. Who’s to say we would’ve made up if I didn’t start working here?”
He slams his palm against his heart. “I’ve never hurt you the way you hurt me that night. You took whatever so-called beautiful thing we created and shoved it down your throat along with another man’s?—”
“Please don’t do this, Jami.”
His eyes tear into mine. “If you don’t understand why I keep mentioning how you ran to another man, you’re not looking at the situation hard enough.”
“I said I’m sorry.”
“You knew I loved you. You said you loved me too, but how can anyone do that when they truly feel that way? I know I never would. But hey, maybe it’s something your parents have taught you.”
I flinch back. “Jami, stop. I fucked up, and I’ve apologized. You didn’t deserve what I did, and I’ll never forgive myself for behaving like such a child.”
