Page 94 of Playing A Risk
“I’d love to. Thanks.” I walk to her sofa and sit. “Would you please join me?”
“I can hear you from here. So go on, tell me why.” She opens her suitcase and starts sorting out her clothes.
“Dori, I’m sorry you found out about Lauren and my son the way you did. To start, Lauren and I aren’t together anymore.” My throat constricts as I get ready to tell her about Aricin.
I work my hand over the pain in my chest. “So we can get to the issue and spend the rest of our time actually talking to each other rather than doing this bullshit, I’ll just come right out and say it. My son isn’t…”
I can’t finish my sentence. It’s too hard to say it out loud. I lower my head and scrub my hands down my face, trying to soothe the agony that’s about to make me break down.
“Jami?” Her concern takes over. “Are you okay?”
I pull in a breath and raise my head. “No, Dori. I’m not.”
By the change in her demeanor, I think she knows where this is going. My eyes burn and my heart shrinks.
I stay seated because I’ve never had to explain this and I might not make it through. The pain sears me, threatening to burn my throat with the mere thought of speaking.
“Finish what you were saying.” She ambles over to me, her green eyes growing wary. “Your son isn’t what?”
“Will you please sit so I can get through this without you staring down at me?”
“I’m going to need to be sitting, aren’t I?” She moves next to me. “Please tell me this isn’t going where I think it is.”
“I’m afraid I can’t promise you anything. What I can tell you is…” My throat tightens again. I lean over my legs and clasp my hands together. “Fuck. This will be easier if I just show you.”
My breathing is quick and shallow. I stand and undo my shirt. She stares at me, confusion spilling from every pore as I peel off my shirt, toss it on the floor, and remove my undershirt.
I sit beside her and outline the ink over my chest with my fingertip. “I got this tattoo to honor him. You stopped by right after. Lauren and I had just had a huge fight about it. I should’ve told you then, but you were talking about us and I couldn’t find a way to get it out of my mouth.”
Dori’s gaze follows the red heart, cracked in half and outlined in black. Dangling off the bottom are blue baby shoes. His name is etched in black above the heart, along with the day he was stillborn.
The number twenty-two and a half is tattooed between the two cracked halves. Drops of red blood shaped like tears drip down the heart and pool beneath the shoes.
Her glossy eyes stay on my chest. “Jami… I don’t understand.”
I suck in a breath of steel, man up, and dive into the long, overdue explanation.
“Aricin was stillborn on this date.” I run my finger over the day inked in my skin. “Lauren was twenty-two and a halfweeks pregnant. It happened not much before I ran into you. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell you, I just couldn’t get it out. I didn’t want to believe it happened, so I didn’t talk about it to anyone.”
Dori’s teary eyes crawl up to mine. “Oh, Jami. I’m so sorry. Jesus. What I said at the stoplight. I’m so very sorry. I never…never thought that was something you went through. If I had known, I…”
“How would you know? I guess Hunter could’ve told you, but it wouldn’t be in his favor, so I can’t see him doing that.”
Her eyes close as she releases a pained groan. She lowers her head and covers her mouth with her palm.
She takes a moment and then shakes her head. “Jami, he tried. He told me he thought I should talk to you about this. He even said he thought it would change everything if I did. I refused to listen.”
She pushes off the couch and pads away with one hand on her hip and the other rubbing the side of her neck.
“He knew, and I asked him not to talk to me about it. You can’t blame him for not saying anything because I told him it was my choice, and I’d take full responsibility for anything that happened once you and I had this discussion.”
My blood pressure stabilizes. Now that she knows, maybe I can start processing it and heal.
I grab my clothes off the floor. Her explanation runs through my head. I’m not seeing Hunter’s angle.
Why would he tell Dori to talk to me?
“Dori, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. You need to understand I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know how.” I get dressed while she thinks for a moment.
