Page 95 of Playing A Risk
She twists back to me. “This is why you brought up my miscarriage on our date. It’s why you gave me the necklace. You were trying to tell me all along, weren’t you?”
“Yes, but I couldn’t find the words. Then you got pregnant and I thought I…we were getting a second chance to have a child. Jesus, Dori. I get that I fucked up and I’m sorry. If I would’ve told you, we wouldn’t have been apart all this time. Again, I’m sorry you found out the way you did. I should’ve told you months ago.”
I rise to my feet and go toward her, longing to hold her in my arms. As I get closer, she takes me in from head to toe. Our magnetic pull makes me ache for her. She still loves me and I can see it in her eyes.
It’s time for a Hail Mary.
CHAPTER 24
JAMISON
My breathing picksup as I get a foot in front of her. “Dori, please tell me you forgive me. Let me make it up to you. These past two weeks have been hell not being able to explain this to you and help you understand.”
“It didn’t have to be this way.” She shakes her head and hooks me with a compassionate, tearful stare.
Hope rises through me. “I don’t blame you for shutting me out, but I wish you wouldn’t have. We love each other and could’ve worked it out much faster if we had processed this together. I tried to convey that in my email, but when I didn’t hear back, I knew you were beyond hurt. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“We love each other?” She releases a laugh mixed with a cry. “No. People who are in love share their lives with one another. They trust each other with the most painful things. They help the other be a better person. So I don’t call what’s between us being in love.”
My heart cracks as the hope disappears. “Losing him was too hard to face.”
“I’m sorry about your son, Jami. I’m sorry you and Lauren are hurting. That part, I understand, but if you lovedme like you say, you would’ve found a way to tell me about this months ago.”
“I wanted to, but didn’t know how. You’ve got to believe me.”
“I begged you to let me in, but you wouldn’t. You know I would’ve been there for you, but you didn’t trust me enough to comfort you.”
The love Dori had in her eyes a minute ago transforms into a solid sheet of pain. Her words shatter my soul. I anticipated discussing this and her compassion kicking in, allowing us to find a solution.
“Dori, come on. Think about what you’re doing right now.” I reach for her. “Please don’t do this.”
She flinches away. “I’ve thought about it long and hard, Jami. I never would’ve kept something like this from you. Ever. I might have struggled to talk about it, but I would’ve found a way to tell you.”
“Why are you being like this?”
She folds her arms over her chest. “Tell me what you’ve done to show me you would risk it all for me. Tell me one thing you’ve done that puts me first and proves you trust me with your deepest, darkest secrets.”
My mind goes blank.
Where is she going with this?
I shake my head. “Dori, I was about to tell you everything. Please don’t do this.”
“But you didn’t, and I found out on my own. I can’t even be sure you were going to open up to me. All I have to go on is how you’ve treated me and our relationship over the years. Not once have you fought for me. Not once have you risked anything for me.”
Tears pool in her eyes and hang on the edge of her lashes. “I always came after Aiden, your career, or your selfish ways of dealing with your pain.”
My eyes widen. “My selfish ways of dealing with pain?What do you call locking me out of your life?”
Her expression hardens. “I needed to wrap my mind around it all to know where I stood with the information. I didn’t want your excuses to confuse me.”
“And that’s not selfish?”
“It was, but you not trusting me broke my heart.” Her resolve snaps and streams of tears trickle down her cheeks. “Why couldn’t you believe in me? You’ve known me for years and still couldn’t trust me.”
My hopes for a reconciliation tumble out of my chest and get squashed under her boot of agonizing sorrow. I’ve only seen her this sad when she miscarried.
She wipes away her tears. “Let me ask you, Jami. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?”
