Page 76 of Playing A Risk
Her expression clicks with resolve. “I can see why you would ask that, but I don’t think it’s the same. You and I haven’t known each other as long. And let’s be honest, I didn’t give you many reasons to trust me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I broke your trust over and over. Until last week, when I finally told you everything, I was still doing that to you. We’re just now learning to trust each other.
“I’ve known him most of my life. And he was more than my brother’s best friend. We had our own relationship and were extremely close, so I’m devastated by his betrayal. He should’ve trusted me from the start and told me about them. So no, it’s not the same.”
I stand and trek to the window.
If I tell her what I know, am I trying to sabotage this?
Is it even my place to tell her?
When I brought this up in therapy, my therapist didn’t think I held any responsibility in the matter. She said it was up to Dorothy to let Jamison explain; the responsibility was his and hers alone. But it doesn’t seem so clear right now.
She runs her hand over my back and turns me to her. “Hunter, what is this about?”
“Him. It’s about him. I love you too much to take a step forward with you, only to have you leave me for him.” My heart splits just thinking about it.
“How do you know I will?”
And that question paralyzes me with fear. My gaze skips around her face. She told me she cared about him more. His reason could very well change her mind, and she could forgive him. It’s too much to accept.
My stomach tightens. “I don’t know, but what if you do?”
“Hunter, please drop this. I promise to talk to him, but not until I’m ready. If it makes you feel better, I’ll stop enjoying my time with you. I’ll forget everything you’re doing for me. I’ll tell myself I don’t love you.”
She takes my hands. “If it helps, I’ll push you away so you keep your heart safe. It’s probably selfish, but that’s not what I want. No matter what he says, what’s going on between us isn’t something I can ignore. Now, the choice is yours. What would you like me to do?”
CHAPTER 19
JAMISON
I risefrom Chuck’s kitchen table when Lauren enters, praying she doesn’t hit me. “Merry Christmas, Lauren.”
“Merry Christmas, Jamison.” She stands off to the side, more subdued than usual. “Chuck, thanks for having me.”
“You’re always welcome here.” Chuck hugs her. “Make yourself comfortable. Jamison and I have everything taken care of.”
“Thanks.” She steps toward me. We have an awkward hesitation, but then I give her a hug.
“I’m surprised you wanted to spend today with me.” She moves out of my arms.
“No one should be alone today, and you especially.” I pull out a chair for her while trying to keep myself in one piece.
Today is going to be difficult. My insides hollow out just thinking about it.
She sits. “Do you really believe that, or are you just saying that because Chuck can hear you?”
I give myself a second and take a breath, trying not to get triggered. “I believe it. Today’s going to be hard, and I didn’t want you to deal with it on your own.”
“Neither of you should deal with it alone.” Chuck stepstoward the patio. “I’m going to go check on the meat. Lauren, I hope you like your turkey smoked because Jamison got me a smoker for Christmas. He wouldn’t let me cook it any other way.”
“I’ve never tried it, but I see it in the deli for lunch meat. It should be fine.” Once Chuck is outside, she gets up and goes to the fridge. “Does he have any soda?”
“He should.” I check the potatoes to see if they’re ready to be mashed. “Are you going to see your parents sometime this week?”
She leans against the counter next to me while twisting off the lid of her soda. “I saw my mom last night. My dad’s running around somewhere in the Virgin Islands. I guess he has a new girlfriend.”
