Page 77 of Playing A Risk
“He’s dating already?” I place the top back on the pot and face her.
“Yeah. Men seem to move on faster. You should know that from your own experience.” She raises her eyebrows.
I hold back from saying anything that could start an argument. When I told Chuck it was okay to invite her, I promised myself I would be better for her.
She knows how to trigger me, so this day is about showing her I can be supportive if she’ll be decent with her words and fists.
“Lauren, let’s not talk about that today.”
“Why? Isn’t that why you had Chuck invite me? So he can convince me to leave you alone so you can move on.”
I purposely relax my stance. “No. I had Chuck invite you so we could support each other. Today was supposed to be Aricin’s first Christmas. I didn’t want you to spend it alone.”
That’s all it takes. Her eyes swell with tears, and she’s in my arms in seconds.
“Thank you for realizing that.” She cries through her words. “I didn’t know it would hurt so much.”
I swallow my pain and hug her tighter. “Me either. Eventhough I was considering how we would deal with it, I didn’t expect it to feel so raw.”
Her face is pressed into my chest, making her words muffled. “He would’ve been six months old. Can you imagine how cute he would’ve been?”
I picture him. Chubby cheeks and a slobbery, toothless smile, dressed in some type of Christmas onesie. The image is both heart-wrenching and heart-warming.
He was way too small when he was stillborn at twenty-two and a half weeks, so my visual is made up of dreams of what he might have looked like.
I smile through breaking tears. “He would’ve been the best-looking baby in the world.”
“I think so.” She coughs out a cry disguised as a laugh.
We hold each other and let the loss of our son be honored the only way we know how. They hand out resources on how to deal with this kind of thing when you leave the hospital without your child, but neither Lauren nor I have done much to move past it.
For me, it’s been too difficult to even think about. For her, she’s been angry and resentful. Then Dori got pregnant and I thought I was getting a second chance at having a child, only for it to be ripped away.
Those two losses were too hard to face. And they just keep adding up. I’m about to break.
Chuck comes in a few minutes later and joins us in our embrace. It’s a surprise, but it’s more comforting than I would’ve expected.
We break apart, wiping away tears, and settle in for our Christmas dinner.
Our conversation flows relatively well with Chuck’s help. And after dinner, Lauren insists on cleaning up while Chuck and I relax in the other room. It’s unlike her, so I keep waiting for her motive to become clear, convinced she wants something.
Chuck reorganizes the gifts under the tree. There are only a few of them, so I’m not sure why he has the need.
“Any word from Dori?” he asks.
I glance toward the kitchen to make sure Lauren can’t hear. The water’s running and pans bang together, so I’m good to answer.
“No, but I wasn’t expecting her to reach out.”
“Why do you say that?”
“After I realized she’s been staying with Hunter, I gave up hope.”
“How did you find that out?” Chuck tries to push off the floor to stand, so I lend him my hand.
He gets to his feet and we take a seat on the couch. My throat constricts as my chest heats, remembering that night of the ball.
“I ran into them at the Christmas ball and they were together.”
