Page 133 of The Proposal Pact
And I want to pull away, stop this kiss because now I know the truth.
Now I know he’s not kissing me because of me. He’s kissing me to put a Band-Aid over his own pain.
I had this naive notion that maybe, just maybe, he could fall for me too. I never admitted it out loud or even in secret to myself. I never admitted it, yet it was living inside my heart from that first day we were married.
Until tonight. Until it crashed and burned under the weight of his past.
He can’t fall in love with me because there’s no room for me in his heart. Not when it holds all that grief, love and guilt for her,them.
I should pull away. I should stop before I lose all the life inside my heart, but I can’t.
If he needs my life to feel alive tonight, I’ll gladly be his Band-Aid one more time.
Vassar was right, I have no idea what I’m doing here.
38
Callum
“Failure is the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.” — Henry Ford
My alarm clock rings for just a second before I silence it, not wanting it to wake Sophie.
She’s always the first one to hear it, but tonight I haven’t slept a wink, watching her instead the whole time.
Watching as the moonlight bathed over his silky, golden skin as Kira’s words played on repeat in my head.
I wasn’t planning to share my past with Sophie last night but then it just felt right. It felt like I owed her that explanation, that story. I needed her to know where I came from, what demons lived inside me. I needed her to see it all and so I dived deep into thatocean of memories.
Only to find my little menace pulling me back to the surface once again. It was different, though. I could feel it every fiber of my body. Sophie was different.
I’m about to say screw work and just stay in this bed with her the whole day when my phone rings and I see it’s the station.
Silencing it, I quickly get up and leave the room to answer it.
“Yeah?”
“Good morning, boss, sorry for a wakeup call but we’ve got a situation here, Rick Levine and Sam Colson robbed The Happy Place last night. There was a bet involved. And now both are high off the rocket and creating havoc all around. The deputies can’t hold them down long enough to handcuff them. Jenny and Nina are about to rip their heads off and Fanny is filming it all.
“Oh, Jesus Christ!” I run a hand over my face. “I’ll be there in ten minutes!”
Well, there goes my day off in bed with Sophie. But maybe that’s for the best. I should figure out how to tell her all the rest, and God knows I can’t think straight when the woman is around.
39
Sophie
“Hockey is a metaphor for life. You have to be willing to get knocked down and get back up.” – Mike Eruzione
Ihear the door click shut soon after Callum kissed me goodbye, thinking I was still asleep.
I wasn’t.
I hadn’t slept the whole night.
There’s no sleeping when you realize your life isn’t what you wanted it to be once again.
How do I always get myself into this situation? How do I always manage to fuck up my own life? Am I some kind of unlucky charm? Maybe that’s it. Maybe I am cursed!
