Page 61 of Dance With Me
Ben said he would, and they said goodbye.
After the call, Seb felt a little better. He’d apologised to his brother, and Ben had given him something to think about. Maybe he had been too hasty, jumping to conclusions.
He would call Dom tomorrow and see how things were back at home.
So, that was what he did. He’d called him and talked about how things were, but he didn’t bring up Joe and neither did Dom.
Ignorance was bliss, or so he thought, but he couldn’t get Joe out of his head. There was no way he was going to split up their little family, though. He wasn’t an unkind, vindictive person. He’d let Joe go and try to at least live half a life if it meant not having Joe in his. He’d survive this. He had before and he would again.
The problem was it hurt Seb to think what his life would be without Joe now. They’d spent days together for the last few months, and the connection he’d felt to Joe was real. Honest.
Resolved to try to forget him, he stayed with his parents for just over three weeks until he knew it was time to go home. Natalia was due to be moving out, and he had to go back. He had duties and obligations, and he wasn’t about to let his friends down.
He said goodbye to his parents and started the slow journey back to his life. He was never going to let anyone close to him again. He didn’t think he’d survive another heartbreak.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Joe
Joe was a mess. He knew it, everyone around him knew it, and yet whenever anyone even tried to mention anything, he ignored them. They’d go away eventually, wouldn’t they?
After his showdown with Clare at the office, she’d walked out and, within a week, as promised, she’d moved out. He still wasn’t convinced about the pregnancy, still thought it was a ploy to get him back, but he had no proof.
The first few days after Seb had left, he’d tried desperately to get in touch with him, calling and texting him, knowing deep down that he wouldn’t reply. He was sure Dom and Natalia were fed up with him going around, and eventually, he tired of seeing the pitying looks in their eyes and stopped visiting.
He took some time off from work. He had plenty of vacation days available, and he just couldn’t concentrate when he was there anyway. Hazel was understanding and had managed to rearrange his meetings and reallocate the work to some of the other partners and accountants.
Joe moped at home, pulling the clothes he’d lent to Seb out of his drawers and laying them out on the bed next to him. He felt stupid doing it, but he could just about smell the unique scent of citrus and Seb on the clothes. When had he become this pathetic man that couldn’t even feed himself, let alone get dressed every morning?
He realised that his feelings for Seb had grown to this all-consuming thing that wouldn’t allow him to function, so he decided to get out, do something, anything.
He managed to shower and dress, picked up his keys and phone and drove to the beach where he’d spent the evening with Seb and Rocco. He felt compelled to go there. It was a place he loved, a place that made him feel calm and the last place he’d felt truly alive with Seb by his side.
He drove a little farther along to where the cliffs met the sea, then got out of his car and turned his face to the warm sun. There was a stiff breeze, and Joe walked to the edge of the cliff. He listened to the sea pound against the rocks, the sound hypnotic. Rhythmic and soothing.
“Not gonna jump now, are you, lad?” a gruff voice asked, startling him out of his trance.
Joe turned to see an old man with a little dog on a lead. He was probably in his eighties with white hair sticking out from under his flat cap. He wore a suit and leather shoes, his Sunday best.
“No, I’m not going to jump. Just have a lot on my mind, and this has always been a good place for me to come and think.”
“Aye, it makes you feel alive, the sea, but she’ll just as soon chew you up if you disrespect her. Don’t step too close; I wouldn’t want you to experience that now.” The old man chuckled. “I’m Jimmy, by the way.”
The man held his hand out to Joe, and he took it, surprised at the strength in his grip.
“I’m Joe. Pleased to meet you. Do you mind if I walk with you?”
“Pleased for the company, actually. Just me and Bertie now. Lost the wife about six months ago, so I suppose I know what you mean about this being a good place to think. We used to come up here all the time until she left me. Cancer, you know, a dreadful thing. She knew her time was up, made me promise to come here every Sunday until I couldn’t.”
Joe walked alongside him, hearing the sadness in his voice.
“We were married for sixty years. They were the best years of my life, but I ain’t gonna lie, son. We had our ups and downs, and my Betty, she put me through the wringer a couple of times. I wouldn’t have swapped her for anything, though. She was my world.” Jimmy looked wistfully out to the sea. “I loved my girl.”
Joe’s heart broke for Jimmy, and he was almost lost for words. He thought about how he felt about Seb and wondered whether he’d ever have this with him. Whether he’d ever love someone with all of his heart, so much that it was all he could think about.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Sounds like she was one hell of a woman.” Joe looked over at him. Jimmy’s eyes had misted over, but as he turned back to Joe, he blinked the tears away.
“She was, lad, she was. Tell me, what’s got you all upset? A young man like you shouldn’t carry the worries of the world on his shoulders.” Jimmy gestured to a cafe set back a bit away from the cliffs. “Fancy a drink? Even though it’s warm today, these old bones still feel the cold.”
