Page 67 of The Night Shift
Her grey eyes were clouded in confusion and he knew that he’d caused it. ‘It’s hard to explain, Violet,’ he said.
‘So nowyou’rethe one feeling the need to explain,’ she said. ‘Except you won’t, will you– you’ll just go round and around speaking in bloody riddles until I’m dizzy with it. Just like everyone else does.’ She sighed. ‘Do you want to get back with her or not? Just be honest.’
‘I don’t know,’ he said, defeated. ‘I feel like I can’t think straight at the moment. I feel like it’s taken me so long to get over her and maybe, maybe…’
‘Maybe you’re not over her after all.’
He nodded sadly. ‘Maybe.’
She nodded and her mouth tightened, working against her teeth as if she was literally chewing something over. ‘So you lied,’ she said eventually. ‘When you told me you didn’t still have feelings for her?’
Oof, another punch to the gut. He was floundering now, the thoughts jumbling around in his head, his words no longer making sense in the face of her precise questioning. ‘No,’ he said. ‘It wasn’t a lie. What I told you the other night,’ (Christ, had it really only been forty-eight hours ago?) ‘I just– didn’t know how I felt– when you asked, I was worried that if I voiced my doubts…’
‘But I gave you every opportunity to do that,’ she said simply. ‘I said I wouldn’t mind what you told me as long as you were honest.’ She stood abruptly, claiming the moral high ground in the literal and figurative sense. Her grey eyes were on him, cool, unwavering. ‘It’s the only thing that matters.’
‘Violet, wait!’ He got to his feet, feeling that the moment was slipping away from him– he had to rectify this situation somehow. He didn’t want her to think badly of him, he didn’t want her to go. Not yet. But she only turned her head and gave him a sad smile as she opened the door.
‘You lied,’ she said quietly. ‘Or you deliberately misled me which is the same thing. And now you’re expecting me to just hang around twiddling my thumbs while you “sort your head out” and decide which girl you want. Do you think that’s fair? Is that a reasonable thing to ask of someone?’
‘No.’ Tears were prickling behind his eyes. ‘You’re right. It’s not fair. It’s not reasonable.’
‘Even you can’t make everybody happy this time, Gus,’ she said, pausing in the doorway. ‘So don’t bother trying. I’ll make it easier for you. You can count me out of this particular equation.’
And she was gone.
* * *
Gus sat there for a few moments with his head in his hands, completely shell-shocked. What had just happened? How had he ballsed that up so spectacularly? Sure, on the surface it hadn’t been too bad– no histrionics or drama, no screaming or wailing or accusations. Nobody calling him an absolute bastard– even though he felt like one. A very weary one who didn’t enjoy the feeling one little bit. But Violet had left him in no doubt. In her quiet, measured way she’d let him know that she had no time for these emotional games. And if he’d taken the trouble to really understand her, he’d have known that this would be her reaction. Of course, it would.
And then a phone rang in one of the surgical offices and snapped him out of his thoughts. He glanced at his watch– fifteen minutes until handover. He might as well go. Get there early, see how Karen was holding up, find out what had happened to the girl with sepsis…
He suddenly realised that Barney Snell had returned to the coffee room doorway. How long he’d been there Gus wasn’t sure, but he’d be willing to bet Barney had loitered around the corridors long enough to overhear most of the conversation between him and Violet.
‘Barney.’ He acknowledged him with a look of defeat, remembering the fact that Violet had been wearing his jumper and been huddled up close to him when Gus had arrived.
‘Gus!’ Barney’s voice was cheerful, full of exuberance that Gus felt unable to muster. ‘Where’s pretty little Violet gone then?’
‘I expect she’d gone to start her shift,’ said Gus, his smile thin, his voice tight.
‘I’ll have to track her down, wrestle that jumper off her.’ Barney’s arm was propped against the doorframe just as it had been a few nights ago when he’d caught Gus and Violet in the office. Did he always feel the need for this overt display of male dominance? Was he incapable of walking past a doorway without grabbing a beam and leaning aggressively into the masonry?
‘Was she okay?’ Gus didn’t want to have to ask Barney this question– he really didn’t– but he also needed to know, and right now, that need to reassure himself that Violet was alright trumped any notion of his own embarrassment. He was confused that his telling Violet about Amelia’s return hadn’t seemed to surprise her at all. Either she didn’t really care or she had some inkling about what had happened. Had she been discussing it with Barney perhaps? No– seemed unlikely.
‘After being caught in the hail?’ Barney said, responding to the original question. ‘Yes, she was fine. I brought her back here, warmed her up a bit. She’s a funny thing, isn’t she? Keen to strip off out of those wet clothes.’
Gus felt his fists closing by his sides. He took a deep breath– he mustn’t rise to it.
‘No, seriously, Gus, she was fine.’ Barney’s smile was more friendly now, as if he understood Gus’s concern. ‘She wanted to have a little look around the place what with her starting her surgical block in a few months. Asked if I’d show her the theatres, wondered if I could put in a good word for her, you know. Thought we might discuss it over a drink sometime.’
‘And she didn’t’—God, he hated himself for asking—'she didn’t mention me at all?’
Barney shrugged. ‘Don’t think so, mate. We were chatting for a while but no– I don’t think your name came up. Looks like you’re off the hook, hey? She’s had her fun and now it’s time to move on. You just have to hope the missus never finds out!’ He laughed in a way that made Gus’s knuckles ache.
‘It wasn’t like that, Barney,’ he said wearily. ‘It was never like that.’
‘Whatever you say, old man.’ Barney signed off with his usual punch to the arm. ‘Whatever you say.’
Violet
