Page 152 of The Breaking Pointe
“I have some important news to share, regarding the letters I sent to your homes. I know there’s a lot of questions and unanswered concerns,” I begin, the quiver in my voice betraying the composure I am so desperately trying to maintain.“As you know, we’ve worked so hard together, dancing, learning, and sharing many wonderful moments… but…”
I struggle to form the next words as they catch in my throat, as if they’re a tangled knot.
“But the company, and the studio, will be shutting down.” The following silence feels like a vacuum, sucking the air out of the room.Confusion flickers across faces, the little ones trying to understand, while the parents exchange angry comments. A few of them simply look disappointed in me, scorning me with fiery eyes as I fight against the hurricane of emotions rushing over me.Each heartbeat in my chest getslouder—remindingmeofallthehoursandpassionI’ve
spent here, just to be a disappointment. Mostly to myself. “This is not easy for me,” I continue, my voice softening.
“I love all of you girls so much, and it breaks my heart to say goodbye like this, but it’s something that I have no choice in.
Scanning over each girl, my eyes stop at one, sitting in the very front with her bottom lip wobbling as she clutches her beloved stuffed bunny.So badly, my hands scream at meto reach out to her and take her in my arms, to tell her that we can still hang onto our memories.I wish I could wrap my arms around them all and protect them from this harsh reality.
At last, the dreaded tears stream down my cheeks, unbid- den, as I finish.“I wish things could be different.Thank you for all the beauty you’ve brought into my life. You will always be in my heart. I promise.”
The room that, for so long, was filled with such substan- tially happy times, now pulses with a collective sorrow, and anger—and a shared farewell to a chapter that meant somuch to the girls and I.
“I…” My voice wobbles. “I set out snacks and drinks. One last time.You’re all welcome to stay and let the girls play for a while,” I add a last announcement before standing up and walking to a table near a corner to hide my face.
I listen as people help themselves, turning to take a glance while standing like a child in time out.
Watchingalineform,myeyestaketothefrontdoor as Colton walks in with battered cargo pants, a hoodie decorated in paint, and a bandana pulling back his curly hair to match it. He looks around, finding me with a worried expression before making his boots hurry over to me.
“I got your message late.I’m sorry,” he says dearly.
I look up at him, then down at the floor, my crossed arms
turningintoaself-hug,squeezingmyeyesclosed.
I finally break, sobbing, completely and fully.“Noelle, I’m sorry,” he says, repeating himself.
Suddenly my head is against his chest and his arms are cradling my shaky body.
“They hate me,” I say between whimpers.
“No. They do not hate you. Nobody here hates you,” he says,crushingmywordswithhis.“Youdidwhatyoucould.”
“It wasn’t enough,” I argue.
“Hey.” His hands raise to my cheeks, both of us ignoring whatever paint and debris lie upon them. “You’re enough. That’s more powerful than anything.”
For once, I don’t believe him.If I did enough, this wouldn’t be happening. I wasn’t enough to keep my main responsibility going. I don’t think I can barely to start from the bottom all over again. Although he cares, he doesn’t see it through my eyes. My point of view isn’t seeing anything hopeful, and I don’t think it will for a long time now.I thought Daniel was my biggest setback, but I’ve topped that experience with this one.
When is he going to grow tired of me?I stay with him because I secretly need him just as much as he needs me, but my mind is more than sure that this too shall pass. His love for me is here now, but it will pass.
Everything good seems to keep passing me by, anyway.
* * *
The rest of the week has plagued me to sit in the marinating guilt and wallow.All I can think of is howmy routine will nowbechanged,everyday.Coffeeshop,NewYorkCity
Ballet training, and sitting at home, thinking of a way todig myself out of this deep, dark hole that I shoveled faster than I expected.
In most instances, I can hide the dark cloud above me, but it’s storming where my spotlight shines, and it’s making it hard to hide anything. I’m drowning. It’s supposed to be a new year—for new beginnings.So why does everything feel like it’s ending for me?
What hurts the most is that I actually know why.I only wish that it wouldn’t be happening again, as soon as things got better.
I’m cursed with bad luck.
“After thinking about it, I guess the smarter decision would be to sell the house,” Colton says above my shoulder. “New Year’s Eve, and I’m already making executive plans for next year.”
