Page 153 of The Breaking Pointe
I bring myself back to reality to respond, but I can’t think of anything to say. My mind wants to remain disconnected. The last time I ignored Daniel,I was in the shower,too.
Strangecoincidence.
“Noelle? Hello?” he adds, giving me a gentle pat against my skin.
Frozen, I look at him with my eyes and say, “I think you should talk to Steven.”
He exhales a long wind through his nose, flaring his nostrils and nodding.
As the water rolls down the skin of my arms, I watch the steam rise over the curtain and waft around in the air. Colton’s hands dangle around my body as his head rests on my shoulder, swaying us at a slow, steady pace. Since we’ve gotten back to New York from Christmas, I think I might
miss my parents more than I did before leaving.I can’t get out of my own head. It’s a very similar feeling to the last time I visited, except I was with someone I now despise. Colton makes it better, but he can’t heal what I think about when I’m alone.It’s why I wouldn’t sleep alone when we were there. I’m sure he thinks my mind was on a sexy Christmas hookup, but the truth is, sex was the distraction from my body welcoming a night terror sent from the devil himself. “You excited to get ready for the Spring Gala?” he asks.
He’s trying to make me talk about anything other than what’s bugging me, but I won’t do it.
I won’t talk about what’s wrong, either. I won’t talk. “Elle,thesilenttreatmentiskindofkillingme,baby…I
get it if you want me to shut up,” he whispers, kissing my shoulder.
Now his voice appears to be upset—or possibly annoyed, and all together over me and my weird behaviors.
It’s me, and I know it.It’s always me.At least Daniel would say it.
The kisses feel like a tactic to convince me that I’m better off changing my mind and spilling my guts for him, about everything that’s causing me to pull away.
I’ve been expecting this to happen.It was bound to at some point.I’ll never be capable enough to bring myself to tell the man who makes it all go away, that I’m never really better. I lied. I’m never really, truly free from the memories that are Daniel.It still feels like he can see me.Even in this bathroom, behind this curtain, with Colton on standby. There’s almost nothing that I do, where there isn’t a memory of him being there, still.I can’t even take a peaceful shower with my current boyfriend.
All Ican thinkabout isallof hisfavorite thingstotell me.
You’renotembarrassedofhowheavyyouare?
Make it stop.
You’resofuckingannoying,youalwayscry.
Make it stop.
My God, can you do anything right? Why would I even think you were capable.
Stop. It.
You’resofuckingdelusional,getonthefloor.Begme,bitch.
Stop it—just stop it.
I told you to get the fuck out the shower, bitch!
“No!Get off me!”I scream, prying each of Colton’s fingers from my wet skin, throwing him off of me and falling to the puddled, shower floor.Scattering, I crawl to the nearest corner, bringing my knees to my naked breasts as I harbor my head in the space between my kneecaps and chest, squeezing my legs until my hands start to sting.
I can hear the patter of his bare feet, splashing toward me and stopping in front of me.He stoops down to my level, sitting. I can see him in the space between my legs.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he whispers through the loud water shooting out of the shower head.
“Please don’t touch me,” I say, hidden like a critter as I tighten my squeeze on my legs.
He keeps his hands to himself, chewing at his bottom lip with a sigh.His bottom glides against the floor, sliding himself beside me and staying quiet.
“I don’t want to leave you alone.I think I know what this is.I don’t think it’s me, but I don’t know for sure.”He pauses, gathering more words. “I’m comfortable in silence, if that’swhat you prefer.I’ll wait, and wait, until you tell me
