Page 151 of The Breaking Pointe
“Oh.” I look down as well, nodding. “I get it. You know, not everything is my business.”
He takes a deep, uneasy breath, wiping his eyes with the bottom of his shirt.
“I couldn’t tell Mom, though. So please don’t judge me.” He drops his shirt, finding no use in it as tears keep forming. My lip turns down even more, I lift my hand to his back to rub it. “I’m not going to. You should never think that I will.
Idon’thaveanyroomto.”
He sniffles, scrunching one side of his face before cough- ing softly.“Jake was more than a friend to me.He was there for me when Mom was dying. The skating thing was something I got from him. From his group of friends. And he’s gone now. Completely.” He balls his fists up.
“He was your best friend. I get it, Steven. That’s hard for anybody,” I console him, petting the back of his head.
He snaps a teary-eyed, somber glare at me, his eyelids filling up with more tears as he speaks.“No, it’s not.Not when he was my boyfriend.” His voice breaks. “And he just ended it all, right when I needed him the most. I told him I didn’t care about the distance, but it wasn’t enough…”
My heart eases down to the pit of my stomach and my body feels heavier than normal, listening as he finally breaks the last wall between us, baring everything and placing everything on the table. This entire time he’s been running away for comfort in his relationship, and hiding it so well. I believed that I was the one with all the secrets, but I’ve never been more than wrong.
“You have to say something,” he commands, taking in my expression.
I take hold of the back of his neck, pulling his body into mine for a deep hug, kissing his head.“It’ll all be okay.I might not have been there before, but I’m learning.I’m never gonna judge you, Steven. I don’t care who you like, or love, or who you wanna be with forever, as long as it means you’re safe and happy.”
When my words slip, he returns the hug, holding onto me with a soft whimper, “Okay,” he sniffles.“Can I please come backtoyourplace?Ifit’sokay,”hewhispersintomyshirt.
“You mean home?I think that would be better for you.For both of us,” I admit.
He squeezes me tighter, gripping the fabric of my shirt. His hands refuse to let go, and we stay there.
38
fake smile
NOELLE
He’s never late.I look at the clock every minute, but it doesn’t change anything. I still do it, anyway. If I tell myself enough times, I know he’ll walk through those doors so that I don’t have to feel like I’m doing this alone. I know that it’s last minute, but that’s never seemed to matter to him. Until now.
He’s either growing sick of me, or this secret excursion of his is something extremely different.
I try not to think he’s hiding Daniel’s behavior behind his kind ways, but I’m always waiting, just in case I’m right— and I usually am.
If he told me what he was hiding from me, then my reason to worry would wash away.If he would tell me where his time is going, when it’s not spent with me.I understand how unhinged that idea is. So I don’t say anything, because that’swhatcausedallmyfightswithDaniel.Myvitalneed
to explain myself and have him do the same in return wasn’t not an exchange that he ever wanted.In fact, he never wanted anything that I wanted. He liked watching me beg for his listening ear and attention, that I still never got, even after asking a million times.I suppose that’s why I don’t have the will to ask Colton for the same.
Being in relationships could be my weakest quality. This could be my sign that I’m unequipped for not only Colton, but any man. With any partner, there’s a great chance that things aren’t split evenly. The exchanges aren’t there when it’s their turn to give. They either will or they won’t. I don’t have enough energy to make sure they will.
Or this is my largest overreaction yet.
The shimmering of the mirrors in the studio reflect not only all the beautiful, young, sweet girls before me, but the weight of everything they’ve ever worked for.I feel heartless. There’s a stone lodged deep within my chest, and the warmth of tears threatening to spill over are beginning to boil at the ducts. Every scent, scribble on the wall, and spec of glitter stained into the hardwood are now merely reminders of all that we had created together.They’ve inspired me more than I inspired them.
With laughter echoing off of the walls, you’d think there was no bad news ever to enter this building.How far from the truth that is.
The girls chatter amongst themselves, sitting in a big group on the floor—some standing with their parents—but all of them blissfully unaware of the tragedy I’m waiting to unleash. Their little voices are so achingly beautiful and pure, and it only makes my heart hurt more.The worried chatterabovethem,betweenafewadultsandbelittling
expressions from certain parents, makes me feel like the size of a grain of salt. Like they all know something is amiss and they’re just waiting for me to fail.Sucking in a deep breath, I force a fake smile that feels more like a large mask than anything.
“Okay, everyone, may I have your attention for just a moment?” I call out, my voice trembling slightly.
The room gradually falls silent, the giggles and whispers replaced by curious gazes—innocent, wide eyes look back at me, waiting for something magical to unfold.
Ironically, my next words are going to be far from sparkly. They carry a weight too heavy for my shoulders.
