Page 113 of The Breaking Pointe
Makes me want to keep it to myself instead.
When I said I’m sensitive, I meant it. I can’t push myself through another heartbreak.Some have said love is more intense when it’s kept a secret.Nobody can tarnish it.As I’ve stated before—I’m great at keeping secrets.
* * *
The tips of my left fingers graze across the top of my right hand, feeling the coldness sting at them.Today, the sound of the metronome from the grandfather clock and the deceiving sunlightoutsideofthewindowbehindDr.Lydiaisjust
perfect.
Hopeful.
“You’re quiet today.Should I find that to be unusual?”she asks, tapping her pen against her notepad softly.
I look at her instead of behind her.
“No.”I look at my hands.“I suppose I have nothing to bitch about today.” I chuckle.
“Hm.”She gives a short,breathy laugh.I half smile, locking my hands together.
“It isn’t bitching, you know? That’s why you come here. To talk about problems. Or other things.” She smiles.
I suck on the insides of my cheeks, smiling back shyly. “I know.”
She takes a quiet, deep breath, leaning forward carefully. “Iwanttoaskyousomething.Circlingbacktoafew
sessions ago—if I may?” she asks.
Am I allowed to kindly say hell no?“Sure.”I nod once. “It’s about your dad.I know he serves as a sensitive topic
for you.I’m just curious if you’ve come around.To your brother.Or maybe your friend—Noelle?”she asks with caution.
I sit back, gathering a response in my head. “Noelle is my girlfriend now.”
She nods slowly, giving me time to generate morewords. My eyes bounce from her low sitting glasses, back to my lap.
“No. I haven’t,” I say with guilt overflowing inside me. “I’m not asking to make you feel at fault, Colton.You’re
just so quiet today that it dawned on me that maybe you spoke with someone about what you’ve been holding inside. I’ve been hopeful for you to gain some relief in your emo- tional pain,” she says honestly in a motherly tone.
“I’d like to.I don’t know if I know where to begin.I know Noelle deserves some sort of explanation of who I am, though.”I raise my head again, looking at the bright sunlight.
“What makes you feel so sure all of a sudden?”she wonders aloud.
“She hasn’t left yet. When I think she will, she doesn’t. I couldn’t see me ever achieving anything that I have recently when it comes to taking care of my mother. Not without her. I find it hard to explain, but when I’m looking at her, I know it feels like destiny. She finds a way to precisely fit herself into each broken puzzle piece that makes up who I am.”I slowly blink my eyes.
“If eyes could speak…” She tilts her head, barely.“One look would say everything,” I finish in a mumble. She smiles.
“How’s Steven?”she asks.
“I take him to the dorms tomorrow.We went school shopping today. He seems off. I’m trying not to think about it too hard.” I deeply inhale.
“Coulditbe…collegejitters?”shesuggests.
“Possibly,” I agree, choosing the more comforting sce- nario.
“You’re very passive with that response,” she notes. “He’shardtoread.Thekidisamastermind.”Ismile.
“I’m not much different. I’m beginning to realize that, that may be why I hate it so much. Our miscommunication feels more like I’m looking at younger, more hardheaded version of myself.” She nods, now slightly amused.
