Page 141 of Faking Forever 1
“Listen to her. She wants space, so you give it. You don’t have to play the waiting game. Delve into a new hobby—play your video games or whatever. Just do yourself a favor and don’t dwell on it.” I smile wisely as I share more. “You’ll be visiting these feelings more often than you think in this lifetime. Patience is a virtue. It gave me your sister,” I say, drinking more water.
I personally feel that if you want to move on, you have to do the things that make you the most authentic to yourself. Life will remind you that you’re better off without whatever you’re grieving. It doesn’t make you forget, but you think about it less and that helps.
“I still think it’s weird.” His hands move to a hidden place in his pockets, shaking the gross feeling from his brain.
“Oh, it is.” I smile more, static fizzing within me, leaning on the idea, “I feel like I’ve been transferred to an alternate universe. But I don’t question prosperity.” I gloss over to 341
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Paisley who looks to be entwined in conversation with her cousins and Sierra.
I like the feeling of things being black and white in a way. Not exactly knowing what’s supposed to come next. I know that I said I wanted a plan—and I still do. Plans don’t mean that you know what’s coming ahead of you. They map out a clear and concise path of how you want and expect your decisions to result. For all you know, it could never work out in your favor.
That leaves you hoping for the best, and sometimes waiting can be better than it looks.
I wouldn’t have wanted to experience falling in love with Paisley on a one-way street. Our story has a plot that keeps me on edge with every pothole and detour giving us more character. When it comes to her, I thought I had figured out what all she entailed, all because we grew up together. Now that I’m relearning her as my girlfriend, I can say that I don’t know her as well as I’ve bragged to over these years. She’s compassionate and softer than I recall. I gained the ability to rediscover her through intimate adventures. I like the guy I am when she’s by my side. Sure,itisweird—and maybewe’reweird. Even so, it isn’t fake—and the puzzle piece fits so well that it might have the potential to complete me.
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I wouldn’t have wanted to end my summer any differently and I wouldn’t have wanted tospendit differently. There’s no other life scenario that I could accept that would outweigh this current ordeal. No fairytale or magic storyline could topple over the feelings that come with being with Joshua or my family. There’s nothing I regret, except for not having more time. More time would save me from the emptiness and apprehension that I know is very fond of me when I’m under pressure. Until that plane carries me away, I won’t think about how scared I am of failing or all of thewhat ifsthat come with leaving home. Instead, I’ll stay oblivious for the last few hours of being in the reality I’m familiar with.
“Do you think you accomplished what you wanted this summer?” Sierra asks me, prying me out of focus on the slow-appearing moon above us.
“More than that,” I say, pausing before I continue. “I went 343
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above and beyondthisyear.”
Still, I could listmanymore things I could’ve done.
“You know,” Sierra says, turning her cheek against the grass to look at me, “I hate that you’re leaving again. It feels like summer just got started.”
“It does. Every time I start to enjoy something, it seems like it always has to end so abruptly,” I respond, staying still with my back on the ground.
“Never get too comfortable,” she says, looking back at the sky. “That’s what my parents always say. Life is constantly changing around you.”
“So, stay uncomfortable for the rest of eternity? Noted.” I slowly smile, amused by her words.
“That’s also how I interpreted it.” She relieves herself of a half-suppressed laugh.
I join her in her laughter, curling my arms around her as I roll over, squeezing her into a firm hug.
I wish I could spend every day like this until the day I die. My favorite people, things, and feelings were in one big yard and I now had less than twenty-four hours to enjoy them. This summer brought out a part of me that I didn’t know I would ever see again. Why do the good things have to end just as you start to enjoy them? You spend more time remembering how happy you were during the memory than the memory itself.
Someone has to think of a way to make memories timeless so you can carry them wherever you go.
It’s not the kind of bittersweet taste that I usually like. It’s more bitter than sweet.
I was busy watching the fireworks people had already been shooting, thinking about how much force they lacked. Each one was dud after dud. I couldn’t wait for Josh’s dad to get out 344
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