Page 142 of Faking Forever 1
his giant explosive-like fireworks and give us arealshow. It had to be any minute now. Most of my uncles and aunts had left while only my cousins, Robin and Leo, stayed. I offered to help my mom clean up countless times, but she told me no at every advance. When Josh offered, she said yes without a care.
While waiting for him, I lay in the grass with Sierra, staring at the almost visible stars in the slowly darkening sky.
This time, when I leave, I’ll talk toeveryoneI can every day—I won’t leave anybody out. I’m not letting any of my connections die out like I once did. I have no excuses for not keeping up with peers I claim to care about so much. With Josh and I being together, I have no excuse for leaving him hanging like before. Knowing him, I can’t imagine he would allow it.
He could fill my entire voicemail box if someone gave him a reason to. I don’t think either of us could run each other away.
I want this to be the healthiest long-distance relationship mankind has ever seen.
Josh sneaks up beside me, grunting and dropping his body on the other side of mine. “Pop’s about to start,” he mentions, lying back against the grassy bed beneath us.
“Sweet. It was getting too quiet,” Sierra says, lifting her digital camera that was sitting beside her. “You guys have fun.
I’mnotthird-wheeling.” She sits up, pushing herself from the ground as she laughs, and walks away.
“More of her for me then!” Josh lets out a hardy chuckle as his back hits the ground.
“About damn time. I wanna relish in my last night with you.” I make my desires known as I scoot closer, lifting his arm around me. My body fit perfectly into his side and his chest was waiting for my head to get cozy.
“Last night. Making it count, I guess…” he says, like the 345
FAKING FOREVER
words exhausted him. He wraps his arm snugly around me, holding me in place.
“It’s painful to say, isn’t it?” I query.
“Like a horse pill,” he replies, rubbing my arm.
“Would it make it better if I said I love you?” I pick his brain some more.
He tucks his chin in to look down at me. “It always makes it better. I want nothing more than to be loved by you. Better than that? I love you, too.” He leans down to kiss my head.
The second his lips collide, Rich shoots the first firework, rustling the dirt ground and shaking us out of our trance.
As they lit up the sky, I couldn’t help but feel the sense of fortune within all the sad discussions. I have everything that most women want—and I can attest to it, humbly. The loud bangs and vibrant color schemes were seething away all of the melancholy, spark by spark. They almost mirrored the whirlwind of emotions I held inside me—bright and exhilarating, yet tinged with a hint of sorrow.
I steal Josh’s hand, feeling the warmth in mine. I cling to it, imprinting the current image of this night in my mind. I keep searching for a civil reason why our paths are diverging this soon—so spontaneously. It’s like the odds are against us, firstand foremost. Each firework burst above us was another silent promise I made myself that I would trust the process—more or less trust us.
I’m not scared for myself or what my future holds anymore.
I am simply anticipating the next time I can submerge myself in my Jersey lifestyle with my new boyfriend and my ant pile of a foundation—my family. There are no false prophecies or fake plots—just plain, irreplaceable, unconditional love.
That’s the best forever you could ask for in this life.
346
LOVED BY YOU
* * *
Out of all the things I don’t think my heart can handle, goodbyes still sit very high on the list. Forming a proper way to say it never gets more manageable and it always leaves you feeling empty after. I’m always left thinking about everything I could’ve said but didn’t think about at the time. This morning, I kept telling myself to remember to tell everyone I love them above anything. I truly do. I’ll miss my mom, her unprecedented need to garden every day, and waking up to her knee-deep in the yard below my balcony. I appreciate it more. I’ll miss my dad and his addiction to taking apart cars and putting them back together. I’ll probably still find a way to bitch about him being so heavily inclined to dictate my life, but I know it’s led with good intentions on his end—most of the time. It annoys me, but I’ll miss that, too.
“Okay, and don’t forget your charger, and here’s food—I packed this last night,” my mom says as she drops a grocery bag of what feels like to-go containers. “Will they let you take this?” she asks, ignoring if I have an answer and looking at my dad. “Joey, will they let her take this?”
“Sue, it’s opened food in an old food market bag. You’re asking for security to tackle the girl on sight. They’re always suspecting the worst. We’ll give her money—it’ll be fine.”
He repeatedly exasperated puffs of air, winded by the minor efforts to get his wallet out.
