Page 80 of Somewhere Only We Know
“I think I’m tapped out on space.”
“Oh come on. How about a slutty thigh tattoo. That’ll make all the girls go crazy.”
Nate chuckles and pinches my side. “I don’t need all the girls to go crazy. Just my wife.”
Butterflies takeoff every time he says that. And based on the smile that blooms across his face when he sees me blush, he knows it too.
I sober my expression because the sooner we do this, the sooner my husband can heal. “Are you ready for today?”
He rolls onto his back and lets out a heaving sigh whilehe looks up at the ceiling. “No. But I guess I don’t have a choice.”
“You always have a choice,” I start. “You have a choice to heal and grieve the way I don’t think you’ve allowed yourself to. To feel all the pain that comes with losing a parent. Nathan, you have been on the move for six years. Have you ever stopped?”
“No.” The brokenness of that one word, threatens to break me.
“Will you tell me why?”
Nate continues to stare up at the ceiling and I watch in sadness at the hard swallow that moves through his throat. “When I went to campus that day for the game, my dad was fine. He was lucid and we were making jokes before I had to leave for my game.”
My body ices all over as he tells me the rest.
“During the game he took a turn for the worse. You know the rest. So I like to stay in the delusion that while I’m playing my dad is still alive. Waiting at home for me to get back to tell him all about it. And when I’m not playing, it’s like every feeling I’ve suppressed rushes forward and suffocates me.”
I sit in the weight of his story as I watch tears track down the side of his face. Nathan is starting to break, but I still don’t think we’ve reached the top of that iceberg. In a flash he whips the covers off and heads to the bathroom. I hear the shower turn on not even a minute later. Flopping on my back, I reach for my phone on the nightstand and open up my group chat.
Me: My husband is broody.
Emily: Yeah. But in a hot way.
Me: Eyes on your own man.
Emily: LOL
Sarah: Yes he is.
Kammy: How’s the trip?
Me: Cold…in more ways than one.
Me: Girls night when I get back?
Sarah: DUH!
Me: Perfect. I’ll invite Sophie, too.
I exit out of my message app and head to socials. I have a DM waiting from Ellie, letting me know she’d be thrilled to be a guest on my podcast. We’d have to do it virtually since she’s heavily pregnant. But I don’t care. I love what she’s done with her platform. Checking my email, I see one from my manager about the possibility of a podcast tour with other hosts. I’m taken aback, because this is not what I imagined for my show. Although I can’t deny that it would be a great way to reach a bigger audience. I star the email and place my phone back on the nightstand as Nate walks out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. His skin is dewy from the steam in the bathroom and my mouth goes dry as a singular water droplet trails down his torso. A shirt hits me in the face and I pull it down.
“Go shower you fein.” Nate says with a laugh.
Rolling my eyes, I finally climb out of bed and stretch. My nipples are at pointed peaks and Nate has the restraint of a saint. Or maybe not as evidenced by the tent starting to form under his towel. I ogle his physique then head to the bathroom. I shake my head and the arousal from my body before brushing my teeth and hopping into the shower.
Nateand I sit in the car at the cemetery. We parked a few minutes ago and have been staring out the front windshield. The sun is shining brightly today with a slight breeze that hopefully won’t run us off. We stopped to pick up some flowers and when Nate hesitated on which to buy since his Dad wasn’t a flower guy, I picked out a peony and tulip combo from Trader Joe’s.
“I think I wanna go out first.” Nate says, breaking the silence.
I look over at him, but his focus stays on the cemetery. “Okay. Just come and get me when you want me to join.”
Nate nods and takes the flowers I hand out to him. The cold January air rushes in before the door closes, blanketing me in silence again. I watch my broody boy walk to his dads resting spot. His hulking stature is still as a statue as he glances down at the headstone.
