Page 81 of Somewhere Only We Know
“Come on, baby. Just talk,” I say from my spot in the passenger seat.
I almost want to dance when his shoulders fall from his ears and he takes the flowers out of the plastic wrap and places them on the ground. A sigh of relief and awe escapes when Nate drops down to the ground. I look away to let him have his moment and I feel like no time at all has passed when in reality it’s been about an hour as a soft tap on my window knocks me out of my doom scrolling.
Dropping my phone in the cupholder, I snag the keys and meet Nate outside. He holds his hand out to me and I let him lead me to his dad. After knowing Nate for as long as I have, it’s not hard to know that his dad was, and still is, his idol. Just because someone is no longer here, it doesn’t take away the impact they left on people.
“Dad, this is Jax,” my heart warms and my eyes fill with tears. “Jax, this is my Dad, Chris. Only my mom got to call him Christopher.”
“It’s very nice to meet you. I hear I’m a legend at your house.” Nate groans and I elbow him in the stomach. “It’s okay. He was a legend at my parents house too.”
Nate’s hand goes to my waist as he sits back on the ground and I follow suit.
“That summer before our final year of school, he and Mom joked that they were surprised I didn’t come home with a ring on my finger from how much I talked about you.”
“You and your crush,” I tease him and he leans over to kiss me on the cheek. “But look at us now.”
“Dad, Jax is my wife. As I’m sure you already know. You have a daughter-in-law who is kind, funny, stubborn, sometimes frustrating, and so full of love that I still wonder how I got so lucky.”
I wipe my tears on the sleeve of my sweatshirt. “I’m not frustrating.”
Nate wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me to him. “See, Dad? I told you she was funny.”
A gust of wind swirls around us and I take that as a sign. “Huh. It seems your Dad does agree that I’m funny as well.”
We sit at Chris’s grave, talking and joking. The mood is light and I see Nate open more than I ever have before.
“I miss you, Dad. Will you at least let Mom know it’s okay for all of us to be happy?”
I rub small circles on Nate’s thigh, letting him know that his hurt is valid.
“Ready?” he asks.
“Can I talk to him alone?”
Nate looks at me, like I’m DaVinci…or in his case a fat fastball over home plate. “Yeah, Bee. I’ll be at the car.”
I watch as Nate gets up and places a kiss on the head stone before walking over to the car. He leans back on the side and watches me with a soft smile.
“I hate that we’re meeting like this.” I tell Chris and his headstone gets blurry from the tears that have formed. “In college he talked about you a lot. I almost felt like you were Bigfoot: legendary but visible to only him. Turns out, you’re still legendary but you’re far from invisible. If there are ways for you to send signs to Nate and his mom, I’ll take it. I can’t stand to watch my husband hurting during a time when he should be happy. He’s at the top of his game and we finally have each other back.” I drop my chin on my closed fists and read over the writing. “I love your son. So much. Without him it was like I was an incomplete puzzle. I kept looking for those missing pieces that when we found ourselves back in each other's lives, I realized he had them all along. You raised an amazing man and I promise to love him the way he deserves. Thank you.”
Standing up, I brush off the dead grass and fallen leaves before looking at Chris’s resting place one last time and heading to my husband.
“Are you okay?” Nate asks when I stand in front of him. His hands come up and gently wipe away the stray tears.
“Yeah,” I say with more conviction than I feel. “One last stop?”
“Yeah. One last stop.”
Nate parksthe car on the street instead of in the drivewaylike last time. This time, he’s not as nervous. I think he’s more pissed than anything.
“Come on. The sooner this is done, the quicker we can get back to the hotel and nap.”
I snort and meet him on the outside. My shoes clack on the pavement as we walk up to the front door which swings open again before Nate has a chance to ring the bell.
“Hey.” Kayla greets and holds the door open wider for us.
Nate doesn’t move to take my coat and I make no effort to take it off. He’s a man on a mission and Kayla and I are left to follow in his trail. We stand at the entrance to the kitchen when Nate approaches his mom who’s doing everything in her power to ignore him.
“Mom, it’s clear you don’t understand my reasoning for staying married or why I stayed away for so long. You lost your husband. But I also lost a dad. And I couldn’t breathe here. Everywhere I turned, I saw him. And I know it was no better for you or Kayla. But I chased a dream that was placed before me and I get to remember Dad the way I want to. Mom,” Nate pauses as he thinks carefully over the words he wants to say. And when he does, they cut, “there is no joy here in this house.” Kayla and I flinch when he says that and I don’t miss it from his mom either.
