Page 40 of Hawk
“I think so. I’m . . . I’m sorry if I’m causing you any trouble.”
Gently, he lifted his hand to my cheek and said, “You’ve never been trouble, and if having me sleep next to you keeps the bad dreams away, then I’m happy to help.”
I felt like there was more he wanted to say, but I didn’t push him for any more than I’d already asked for. “Thank you,” I responded and took his hand from my face, keeping mine in it as I placed them on the bed between us.
Even if I couldn’t sleep, I was happy just to lay here with him. Closing my eyes, I felt his gaze on me for another minute and fought not to smile. His presence gave me peace and, sooner than I expected, I felt the first tendrils of sleep take hold of me.
My dreams were different, and for the first time, they filled me with hope. I saw Hailey sitting at a table with a faceless man who was holding her hand, Hawkins sitting next to me with a smile on his face, and a little boy and girl who looked almost like him. I didn’t know if it was a premonition or wishful thinking, but I found myself engrossed in the family dynamic that played out in my subconscious.
I didn’t know how long we were asleep, but the sound of a ringing phone snapped me awake. Hawkins was rolling over to his other side to grab his phone, and I rubbed my eyes to see what time it was. The clock read five-thirty in the morning, and the sun hadn’t even broken the horizon yet.
“Gunner, what’s wrong?” Hawkins asked, sitting up abruptly as he listened to the conversation. “How high is it?”
The worry in his voice had me sitting up in bed to observe him, and the longer the conversation went on, the more worry appeared on his face.
“I’ll be home in about six hours. Can you give him some Tylenol and ask Sadie to call Doc to check on him? If he feels he needs to go to the doctor, can you call them at eight?” He listened a little bit more before saying, “Thanks, man. Tell him I’ll be home as quickly as I can, and I’ll check in when I stop for fuel.”
He disconnected the call and ran his hands through his hair as he turned his attention to me. “I’ve got to head home, darlin’. Matthew is running a fever and has been throwing up all night. Sadie’s been up with him most of the night, and Gunner called saying I might need to come home.”
“Is he okay?” I asked as Hawkins slipped from under the covers and stood from the bed.
“Honestly, he gets sick when he spends the night with someone. It started after my ex left. I’d hoped he would be okay for a few days, but I think he’s afraid I’m not coming back.”
Hearing him say that made me angry at his ex-wife. How could anyone walk away from their children without a backward glance?
“Is there anything I can do?” I asked as he reached the bedroom door.
“You could pack some things and follow me home,” he remarked, and I cast my eyes down to the bed.
“I’ve got to handle a few things here, but I promise I’ll be on my way by tomorrow afternoon.”
He looked brokenhearted but gave me a silent nod as he turned and walked out of the bedroom. I could hear him in the bathroom, so I got up quickly and pulled the covers back on the bed. Zeus stood and stretched his back before he followed me out of the bedroom and down the small hallway.
I found Hawkins sitting on the couch putting his leather boots on. He lifted his eyes to me as I walked into the kitchen and let Zeus out the back door. Turing around, I discovered him watching me from the doorway of the living room, and I offered him a small smile.
“Can I make you a cup of coffee before you leave?” I asked, trying to keep the tears out of my eyes.
I didn’t know why I was so emotional about him leaving, but there was a sadness building in my chest that was foreign to me. He walked across the room and stopped in front of me, leaving about a foot of space between us.
“I feel bad about having to leave so quickly,” he said with remorse in his voice.
“You have responsibilities you have to take care of and your kids need you. I’ll be okay.”
“Your kid needs you too,” he replied, and I felt like he’d taken a cheap shot at me.
“I know she needed me a long time ago, but I’m sure she’ll be fine without me,” I sassed and turned my back to him.
He placed his hand on my shoulder, and I felt like shit for snapping at him. I didn’t know where all the emotions were coming from, and when I felt like I was being backed into a corner, I verbally struck out, trying to shield myself from additional pain.
“Stella, please look at me.” I turned and crossed my arms over my chest as I tilted my head slightly to the side, waiting for him to speak. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry for upsetting you, but I want to make sure you’re still coming to meet Hailey. This isn’t the way I intended to leave, and I’m a little out of sorts.”
“I’m sorry for snapping. I . . . I just . . .”
The words wouldn’t come out. I wanted to tell him not to leave, but that was selfish. I wanted to tell him I needed him, but that was too soon. I wanted to tell him so much but didn’t know where to begin.
Without warning, he gently tugged me toward him and wrapped his strong arms around me in a hug. I couldn’t tell you the last time someone hugged me, so it took a moment for me to reciprocate. Placing my arms around his waist, I rested my head on his chest and heard his steady heartbeat.
“I don’t want you to be angry with me, darlin’. I know you’ve got a lot going through your head and I want you to know I’m sorry if I added to your stress,” he said, and I felt a soft kiss on the top of my head.
