Page 39 of Hawk
Chapter 13
Stella
When I was awoken fromthe nightmare I’d been trapped in, I found a worried Hawkins kneeling next to the bed and Zeus looking lost. It wasn’t the first nightmare I’d had about my time with Adrik, but it was the worst one I’d had in more than four years. I didn’t know what triggered that particular memory and I hated that Hawkins saw me struggling.
I looked at him while Zeus rested his head on my lap and debated lying to him. I never wanted him to think he was the cause of the demons that chased me in my sleep, but I feared once I told him the truth, he would blame himself.
Brushing a piece of damp hair from my face, I decided the truth was the best option, so I began to explain, “I dreamed about the first time you said you were going to help me.”
His eyes cast down, and I felt horrible for telling him, but I promised myself I’d never lie to him. He’s seen me in situations that no one should have ever witnessed, but he was the person who took me from hell and delivered me to redemption.
“I’m . . . I’m sorry if I caused you to remember that night,” he muttered and slowly, I reached my hand out to where his were resting on the edge of the bed.
“Please don’t blame yourself or think you were the cause of it. Sometimes, the demons catch me when I’m asleep and if it wasn’t for you being here, I would be trapped in the memory.”
He shifted his hands so he was enveloping mine between them as he asked, “Do you have these dreams often?”
Stretching the truth without lying, I reasoned, “From time to time, I relive some of the days at the house, but most nights, I hardly dream at all.”
It wasn’t technically a lie. Most nights, I didn’t remember my dreams, but on the nights when they were bad, I’d wake up with the bed destroyed and a worried Zeus standing guard. No matter the amount of time away from the house from hell, there would still be parts of my time there that refused to release their claws from my memories.
He stood, and I lifted my eyes to him as he spoke. “I’m sorry if I’m ever the cause of your pain. I’ll let you try and get some rest.”
He tried to turn and leave, only for me to keep hold of his hand. Looking over his shoulder, he lifted his eyebrows, waiting for me to explain my actions. There was still fear coursing through my body, and honestly, I was a little scared to be alone. It wasn’t that I was afraid of the demons from my past coming back, but I was afraid to be alone at that moment.
“Is there something you need, darlin’?” he asked, and I pinched my lips closed before blowing out a deep breath.
“Would . . . would you stay here for a while? Just until I fall back asleep?”
It wasn’t the first time I’d asked him to stay, but there was a part of me that was terrified he would say no. When he helped me escape, I was a wreck. The constant fear that Adrik’s family or associates were looking for me, for us, kept me awake for days on end. Then, the exhaustion would overtake me and I’d fall into a deep sleep, unable to stop the onslaught of horror that I’d lived through for years.
Hawkins turned and sat next to me on the edge of the bed as he stared into my eyes. I felt like he could see every broken part of me that I never wanted anyone to see. But he already knew the worst about me and not one time did he judge me for anything I’d lived through.
“Are you sure you want me to stay?” he asked quietly, and I nodded my response. “Give me a minute to get my phone and I’ll be right back.”
Reluctantly, I released his hand, and he stood from the bed. Watching him walk out of the room, I turned to Zeus and asked, “What the hell am I doing?”
“You’re asking for what you need,” Hawkins replied as he returned with the pillow and blanket I’d left for him on the couch.
Walking around the bed, he placed his pillow next to mine and pulled his cell phone from his pajama pants. Once he got into bed, on top of the covers, he pulled the blanket over his legs and laid down to face me. I slid down into the bed and turned to look at his handsome face. He smiled at me, and I returned it, feeling lighter knowing he was right next to me.
He’s the only person I’d ever shared a bed with. Adrik would take what he wanted, then he would leave me to sleep alone. Hawkins, on the other hand, laid next to me almost every night we were on the run and never made a move. I knew it was because I was damaged, but just having him there was a relief.
“Are you going to be able to sleep?” he asked as Zeus jumped down from between us and found his bed on the floor.
