Page 1 of The Soul that Redeems Me
The large pile of paperwork on my desk seemed to grow, instead of shrinking, with each passing hour. I realized that I was making progress on the expansion plans, but some days I felt overwhelmed with all the research I had taken over since Caroline went on maternity leave.
I’d been hired by MSJ Media 6 months prior, assisting with the national launch of the Literacy Program Maddie and Lucas had created last year. I was dealing with the fitness and social aspects of the endeavor. Nine and a half months ago, I accompanied Caroline on a road trip that reunited her with her long-time love, Andrew.
Both couples were well on their way to a happily ever after with babies due any day. I was happy for my best friends and the growth of their families, but lately, I’d felt like I was destined to be alone. The reality that I was still single had begun to weigh heavily on my shoulders.
Maddie, my on-again, off-again college-girlfriend-turned-best-friend and her sister, Caroline, had brought me into their lives during college and they were both closer than family. Adopted when I was 12, I treasure the bonds of people who choose to be in your life, not those who are forced to by chance or circumstance.
At one point in time, I felt like Maddie would be my forever, but seeing her with her husband Lucas, I realize she and I were destined to walk different paths. I’m grateful she and I have remained friends and now, Lucas and Andrew are closer than brothers to me. Not one time had my relationship with Maddie been mentioned, and I would never disrespect their union with talk of the past.
For a few years, I casually dated, never looking for the person who completed me, who made me whole. Last year, I decided to stop looking forMiss Right Nowand started looking forMiss Right. My entire life changed when I walked into Andrew’s gym in New Orleans earlier this year. Not only did Caroline reconnect with Andrew, but I met Emily, Andrew’s younger sister.
I walked into the gym with a plan to help heal Caroline’s broken heart and when I embraced Emily during our dance at the roadhouse, I knew she was the one for me. I could see on her eyes, she understood and had experienced more than most people and my soul was drawn to hers.
My heart was telling me that Emily was myOne,but I was hesitant to make a move, afraid that I was feeling more than she was. We had gotten closer since she and her brother had moved back to Georgia, but I was allowing her age and her past to dictate a friend-zone, fearful the amount of passion and protectiveness I felt for her was more than she could handle.
My cell phone rang and I began to dig through the piles of paperwork until I found it. I looked at the display and saw Emily was calling me, immediately causing my heart to beat faster. I see her quite a bit when we have get-togethers but her classes had taken up a lot of her time and lately, she had started to seem distant.
I cleared my throat and hit the speaker button, “Josh Kennedy.”
“Josh?” Emily’s sweet voice filled the room.
“Emily, is everything okay?” My overprotective nature started kicking in. There had been something about Emily from the moment I first saw her standing behind the counter at the gym in New Orleans, my feelings made me want to wrap my arms around her and protect her from the world surrounding her. Lightning flashed through my body at the first touch of her soft skin and I had been head-over-heels for her ever since.
“I just got a call from Andrew. It’s time. I told him I would call you and let you know.” She explained, a small tremor in her voice.
“Areyouokay?” I asked again, knowing she hid a lot of herself away from those closest to her, afraid of something that I’d been trying to figure out, but so far had been unsuccessful. I knew a little bit about her past and theaccidentshe had when she was 15, but I felt there was something else, something that was tearing her apart inside, that she had yet to speak about. I’m not sure that even Andrew is aware of what she’s been keeping secret.
She had been ecstatic about becoming an aunt to her brother and Caroline’s new baby but sometimes, when no one was paying attention, she got this look in her eyes that said the world she had created around herself was a lie and she was forcing a fake smile for the benefit of those around her.
Emily’s past had some major hurdles she had to overcome and I was proud of the steps she had taken to be where she was in her life. Her story was a rough one and hearing it, the one time she spoke of it, broke my heart so damn bad, I felt compelled to pull her into my arms and hold her until she could gather herself again. She felt so right, burrowed into my chest, her breath ghosting across my neck as she purged her pain. My own history isn’t exactly roses and sunshine. I want to tell her, to let her know that she isn’t alone, but I’m afraid it may push her further away when all I want to do is pull her closer.
A small sigh escaped her mouth as she began, “I’m okay… just worried about Caroline and the baby. I’m about to call an Uber to pick me up and take me to the hospital. Are you coming up to sit with us or do you want me to call you after the baby is born?”
“Where are you? I’ll leave my office and pick you up, that way I can make sure you get home safely when you’re ready to leave.” I hoped being reasonable would allow me to give her the time and support I felt like she was going to need over the next few days.
“You don’t have to do that. I’ll be okay.” She replied in a small voice, unlike her usual perky and energetic self.
“I’m on the way to you now, so just make both of our lives easier and tell me where you are, sweetheart. I know you hate Uber or taxies, plus it is getting late enough I don’t want you taking the train back home from the hospital. Please, let me come to get you.” The term of endearment was meant to relax her.
“I’m at Caroline and Andrews apartment. I’ve got to bring her bag to the hospital with me and I swung by after class to pick it up. I’ll wait for you here.”
Why was she still referring to her home astheirsand notours? Lately, she had begun to get confrontational with Andrew about moving out and letting the new family have the apartment. Andrew had confided in me he was afraid she felt left out and he never wanted her to feel like she wasn’t a part of their family. With their parents deceased, Andrew was the only family Emily had left. I reminded Andrew that family is who you make it and she now had a large support network to help her.
I could see both sides of the situation. Emily wanted them to have the life they had dreamed without a roommate and Andrew was determined to protect his little sister and he felt she was the safest living with them. It was beginning to cause animosity between the siblings with Caroline stuck in the middle. I presented a solution to Andrew last month that could fix all the hurt feelings and misunderstandings that had been swirling between them for a few months.
“I’ll be there in 20 minutes. Do you want me to help you carry the bags down or should I just call when I’m downstairs?” I asked her, hoping she would invite me up. I wanted to spend a few minutes with her before we left for who knows how long at the hospital.
“Call when you are around the corner and I’ll come outside to meet you. No need to park when I can just jump in and we can head out.” She explained, the noise of her shuffling around the apartment sounded through the phone.
“I’m in the car now. I’ll see you soon.” I replied as I cranked my jeep and headed into downtown. Luckily, it was a Tuesday afternoon and the traffic was light, allowing me to make good time getting to Emily.
I called when I was a few minutes away and saw Emily walking out of the building just as I pulled up to the curb. She was so beautiful with her long brown hair and hypnotic hazel eyes, her small frame moved gracefully as she made her way to the Jeep. She carried a natural beauty that most women would pay good money for, but she was reserved and shy, often hiding under misfit clothes and false bravado.
She got into the car and her hypnotic scent began to overtake the confined space.Jasmine and gardenia.Willing the blood back to my brain while she secured the overnight bags in the back seat, I waited for her to latch her seatbelt before heading toward the hospital. I’d called my parents, who were busy taking care of things at my house and watching my dog, Jake, to let them know where I would be for the foreseeable future. I didn’t know how long it took for babies to be born, so I had packed some snacks and a change of clothes in my Jeep last week.
I wanted to be there for my friends,my family,and I needed to be there for Emily. Something in my gut was telling me she wasn’t very far away from a breakdown, and I felt powerless to stop it. I had asked her the few times I had seen her over the last month or so how she was doing with all the changes.
Each time, she gave me another fake smile and gushed how excited she was. How happy she was, yet I could see in her eyes, she was hiding something. Something that was tearing her up inside. Something that I could feel from her, every time I was close. Something that was breaking her heart.
