Page 2 of The Soul that Redeems Me
“Did you remember to bring something to change into if we are there for too long? I have plenty of snacks in the back for both of us. I grabbed a few of your favorites.” The car was quiet, her head was turned toward the window, her eyes refusing to look at me.
“I brought my hoodie and I have a small pillow and blanket in my backpack. I have a few things to snack on, you didn’t have to go to any trouble for me, Josh.” Her shy voice was barely audible over the radio playing softly in the background.
“Making you happy is no trouble, Emily.” I try to reason with her, not wanting to push her right now. She seemed small and frail, like a different version of herself. I was beginning to worry that she was uncomfortable being alone with me.
It would break a part of my soul to not be around her, but if I was causing her any discomfort, I would leave her alone. Anything to make her happy and smile a real smile again, even if it was from a distance.
A real smile like the one I saw in New Orleans when I danced with her at the dusty roadhouse or the smile she gave me when we spent the day, hand in hand, exploring New Orleans. The smile I saw when Caroline and Andrew got engaged was the last real smile I remember seeing and I wondered if anyone else had noticed the falsehood in her face.
Her head turned toward me and she had unshed tears in her eyes, causing them to sparkle in the afternoon sun. I pulled the car into the next parking lot and cut the engine off, turning my full attention to Emily.
“What’s wrong, Em?” I asked casually, hoping to relax her enough to talk to me.
“I can’t explain it without seeming…well, selfish.” She said, a tear falling down her face and landing on her lap.
“You’re anything but selfish, please, tell me what’s bothering you. You’ve been so sad lately and I’m worried about you.”
“Where will I go when…when I have to move?” she asked, a hiccup in her voice let me know she was about to start crying.
Most men run from a woman who cries, afraid of getting caught in an emotional hurricane. I was the opposite. When a woman cried around me, I wanted to give them comfort, to listen to what was bothering them, and to try and help them feel better.
It was a lingering side effect of my early childhood and the only good part about that time of my life that I can remember. Not wanting to walk that self-deprecating path, I gently reached up and wiped the tears from her cheeks, her angelic face cupped in my large hands.
I wanted to reach down and kiss her, to tell her how much I wanted and needed her, but now was not the time. Now, I needed to reassure her that she wasn’t about to be cast out on the streets, alone, with a new baby entering the family. Well, babies to be more specific.
With Maddie and Caroline’s due dates only three days apart, I suspected we would be at the hospital more than not over the next few days. I know Joe and Lisa, Caroline and Maddie’s parents would be making an appearance very soon and they had rented a hotel room, not wanting to show favoritism with one girl over the other.
“Why do you have to move? What’s changed?” I stroked her cheek with my thumb, resisting the urge to swipe her plump lips, her face leaning into my touch.
“With the baby coming, they are going to need their space and the baby is going to need a bedroom of her own. I don’t want to be a bother to my brother any more than I already have been, but I don’t know where to go. I can’t live on campus and still be able to afford my classes. The thought of living with a stranger is a little unsettling, though. What if they have people over that I don’t like? What if we don’t get along? I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to worry Andrew with my stupid problems.” She rambled, never taking a breath until she was through with her thoughts.
“First of all, you don’t have to move.”
“But,” she started, before I moved my finger to her luscious lips, silencing her with a simple touch.
“What if you stayed in the apartment and Andrew and Caroline moved? Would you be okay with that?”
“I don’t understand. Why would they move? Have they said something to you? Are they leaving?” Her eyes suddenly wide, her breathing became rapid.
Slowly, I leaned my forehead down until it was touching hers, my hands still on her face, as I willed her eyes to meet mine. I was completely invading her space and wasn’t sorry about it. I needed to help silence her mind and get her focused on the immediate future and not the hypothetical future she was envisioning.
“Let’s get through the arrival of the babies and we can talk about everything else. Do you trust me, Emily?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t overstepping my boundaries by speaking to her before Andrew and Caroline had a chance to sit down with her and discuss the potential future that I was praying would become a reality.
Her glistening hazel eyes tracked up to meet mine as she nodded her head and stared into my soul. “I trust you, Josh.”
I let out the breath I was holding as I gently kissed the tip of her nose and pulled myself away from her. Now, to get everyone on board with my idea so we can be on the early road to our forever.
