Page 70 of Storm in a Teacup
“Come on,” he urges. “This teacup is from TK Maxx. It’s not an actual antique. It probably cost three pounds at most.”
I now look at the teacup doubtfully. He’s right. I saw this exact mug in the store the other day. Without letting myself give it any more thought, I let the cup tip from my grasp and explode into shards on the concrete.
Ben grins wildly and hands me another. “Good. Now throw this one at the ground. Don’t just let it fall.”
I carefully take the cup from him. I raise it in the air and heave it at the ground. It shatters powerfully. Oh god.Thatfelt good. Igrab another before he has a chance to hand one to me and throw that on the ground too, smashing it with a gusto I didn’t know I had in me. A joyful laugh escapes. This feelsamazing. I grab another teacup, smashing it with all the hatred I have for my eyes. Then another, smashing it with my frustration with every dark bar with random steps, every dim restaurant with speed-walking hosts, and every goddamn shop withmoodlighting. And another, smashing it with the sharp hurt I experience every time I think about Atticus. With every broken cup, a twig of anger is released.
Maybe I should be frequenting rage rooms. I didn’t know it would feel thisgood. Tears stream down my face, but I don’t wipe them away. They are fuel to my power in this moment.
Ben finally takes his turn, grabbing one from the box and throwing it hard at the ground. The laugh he lets out is the most elated one I have ever heard from him. He too has a lot of things to work out. I feel horrible about what I said to him today. I know he cannot help what he feels for David. I know he is trying so hard to get over it. To move on.
I know because I’m trying to do the same thing. To let go of everything in the past that is determined to hold me back.
I smash another cup, letting go of the color sage. And another, letting go of my peripheral vision. And another, letting go of everything else I have lost or will lose. It will come back to me eventually, but to be free of it right now is the best feeling in the world. We keep going through the box until there are two left. My tears have dried by now, freeing me. We each take one teacup, looking at each other for a long moment before either of us lifts an arm to throw them.
“Thank you,” I say, my voice thick and throat tight. “I needed this. So much.”
His breath rattles out of his chest. “Me too.”
With a nod, we each lift our arms.One, two, three—we smash the final two cups on the ground. With the final cup shattering, the last thread of my anger is released.
Ben and I lock eyes.Shit.That decides it.
“I’m gonna kiss you.”
“Thankfuck.”
I chuck off my safety goggles, rip the ones off Ben’s face, and capture his mouth. The instantreliefthat spreads over me is addictive. If I could live attached to him, I would.
Ben kisses me back with a similar gumption, dragging me away from the shattered ceramic lining his back garden. His mouth opens on mine as he backs me into the wall of his flat. Pressing me closer to the rough siding, his hands stroke down my body until they get to my flowing skirt. He bunches it up so his hands reach my bare thighs, then he lifts me, holding me up against the wall. My legs wrap around him tightly, and I loop my arms around his neck as well.
His tongue traces the inside of my mouth, pulling a moan from deep in my throat. The desperatewantI have felt since, damn, since we met, bubbles to surface, threatening to consume me whole. I grind my body into his, feeling his hardness grow beneath me.
He pulls away, just enough to ask, “Linny, do you want to…?”
I understand the question without him having to finish it. “Ben, I do. I really do. I just…I don’t…”
He nods, thinking he’s comprehending what I’m saying. “We don’t have to. It’s okay.”
I shake my head rapidly. “No. No. I want to. I do. I just…I don’t do penetration.” It’s a firm rule I established after Atticus.
His eyebrows lift, surprised, but he says, “Okay. That’s fine.” He kisses me again, saying into my lips, “There are plenty ofthings I can do to you that do not involve penetration.”
I inch back, regarding him curiously. “You don’t want to know why?”
“Not unless you want to tell me.” His hands tighten on my thighs.
I brush his disheveled hair back from his forehead, running my fingers gently through the short, soft strands of black and silver. “Can I tell you some other time?”
“Aye. Of course.”
“Thank you.” Our mouths reconnect, my body writhing against his. My skirt is bunched around my hips, pushed back by Ben’s grip on me.
We keep moving in sync, so starved for each other that this alone may get me there. The belt of his pants brushes against my clit through the thin cotton of my underwear, and a scream gets caught in my throat. I press deeper into him, moving more intently, grinding hard.Fuck, I am so close.
“Lin,” Ben says breathlessly, body pushing up into mine. “If we keep doing this, I’m going to…”
“Me too,” I agree.
