Page 15 of The Question of Us
Samuel mmm’d. “So, if you care for him and you can’t stop him from going, why aren’t you tagging along to at least keep him out of trouble? Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. Keep him safe if that’s what you’re so worried about?”
I grimaced. “You do realise that the men involved with Lee are the same ones responsible for Davis’s death. It fucking does my head in.”
Samuel huffed. “Yes, I’m not unaware, although I think Madigan might have lost focus about that aspect.”
“Yeah, I know.” I shook my head. “But that’s not his fault.”
A soft smile stole over Samuel’s face. “You really like this guy.” Statement, not question.
One I avoided answering. “I suppose I’m hoping that if I don’t go with him, then Mads will think better about it and change his mind.”
Samuel sputtered. “And exactly what part of Madigan’s stubborn personality led you to believe he’d cave to your tricks. Are you nuts? Not to mention, what kind of relationship are you hoping to build based on that kind of manipulation?”
I groaned. “I thought you said you weren’t good at this stuff?”
A smile lit up Samuel’s face. “I’m speaking from experience, mate. Don’t repeat my mistakes. And let’s just say Jerry doesn’t let me get away with that shit anymore, a little like your man?—”
“He’s not my—” I stopped before the lie left my mouth.
Samuel smirked. “I thought so. So, instead of supporting Mads, you’re walking away because you can’t see past the fear oflosing someone else you care about, while at the same time being too frightened to go all in with him, while trying to manipulate him to give up something important. Kind of leaves the poor man damned either way, wouldn’t you say? I’d kick your sorry arse to the kerb as well.”
I closed my eyes, the words coming out on a whisper. “I know, okay? And he should. I care too much to lose him, and I care too much to take a leap of faith. I just fucking care too much, okay?”
Samuel squeezed my hand again. “Goddammit, Nick, you get yourself in some real pickles sometimes, but I get it. Madigan gets it. We all fucking get it.” Samuel took a slow breath. “But guess what, Nick? It’s true. Youmightlose him. Just like I might lose Jerry. Or we both might lose Lizzie. Like you lost Davis. Madigan might die in a plane, or under a bus, or from meningitis, or from any number of things. The world is a dangerous place. It would be unfair and a fucking tragedy, but that’s life. You take a chance, or you may as well start digging your own grave today. I’ll even buy you a shovel.”
I looked up at him, shocked as he rattled on.
“And that would be a damn shame because you, Nick, are one of the finest men I know. Davis loved you to bits and you made him shine like no one else could. I couldn’t have wished for a better man to be his soulmate or a better brother-in-law. I’m so fucking proud of you, but I also don’t believe that you’re done. I think there’s more love in you yet if you can just get over yourself.”
I blinked, needing a moment to unpack everything he’d said. Samuellikedthe idea of Mads and me? He was proud of me? I was one of the finest men he knew? I wasn’t quite sure what to think about any of it.
Samuel’s cheeks reddened, like he’d said more than he’d meant to. “All I’m saying is that you should stop being a prickand explain yourself properly to Madigan. Use your grown-up words. Then maybe Gazza and I can get some work done.”
“Explain myself?” I fought a smile. “According to you, I walked away from a man who needed my support because I was a total dick. Exactly how do you suggest Iexplainmyself?”
He shrugged. “How the fuck would I know? I’m not going to do everything for you. Hell, I can barely keep my own relationship in order, and no, you can’t ask about that. Not now.”
My mouth snapped shut again.
“But if you really want some advice?—”
“Do I have a choice?” I muttered.
He smirked. “Myadviceafter talking to Gazza would be not to dilly-dally.”
My heart fluttered nervously in my chest. “Dilly-dally, huh?”
“My brother might’ve been soft on you,” Samuel continued, “but Madigan Church won’t make that mistake. He’s made of sterner stuff and you might’ve already burned that bridge.”
I squirmed under his gaze. “And that’s supposed to encourage me?”
“No,” he said evenly. “It’s supposed to scare the ever-loving fuck out of you.”
Okay then. Not that I’d ever tell him but, yeah, missionaccomplished.
I had a phone call to make.
CHAPTER FOUR
