Page 22 of The Swiping Game
9
TARA
I just wantthis night to be over.
And that’s a mindset I haven’t had in a while.
Well, five days to be exact.
For many months after the divorce, and a handful in between, I couldn’t wait for the days to end. Sleep meant I’d wake up to a new day, even though in the back of my head I knew it probably wasn’t going to be abetterday. I at least had hope that it couldn’t be worse than the day before.
I hated feeling like that, but I did. For so many days.
But since I started talking to James, thoughts like that didn’t even cross my mind. I know it’s only been a little less than a week, but that’s how quickly this man I’ve never met has been able to turn my outlook around.
But tonight? Even a message with one of his cute emojis won’t do the trick.
I just want to curl up in this blanket and hope that tomorrow isn’t as shitty as today.
James: You still up?
Shit. I forgot that James was going to message me after dinner with his sister. Honestly, I kind of wish he didn’t. Because I really don’t have it in me right now for friendly and semi-flirty banter. I’m half tempted to ignore his message and message tomorrow with a lie that I was asleep. But if there’s one thing I’m not, it’s a liar.
Tara: Yeah.
James: Yeah? You okay? In the roughly two hundred thousand messages we’ve sent each other, I think this is the first time you have ever sent me a one-word response. Is everything okay?
How does this man know me so well through an app? Am I that transparent?
Tara: Sorry, I’m fine. Just tired. Already in bed.
There. That’s better. More words. No lies.
James: I might not have written the handbook on women, but I do know if they say they’re fine, they are, in fact, not fine. Are you sure you’re okay? You know you can talk to me, right?
Oh, sweet James.
If he only really knew everything about me, the man would not still be talking to me. Yes, being divorced around our age isn’t uncommon, but considering the situation surrounding my divorce? I’m pretty sure once he hears that, he’ll be running for the hills.
But why do I feel like Icantalk to him about this? Is it the power of him not being able to see my face? Or that even though this man is starting to know me better than anyone in the world, he still doesn’treallyknow me? Whatever the reason, I do feel like I can talk to him.
And not only am I feeling like I can, I’m feeling like I want to.
Tara: I don’t want you thinking of me any differently. Because this does not paint me in the best light.
James: There is almost nothing you can tell me right now that will change my mind about you.
Tara: What is “almost nothing”?
James: Let’s see. These are my deal-breakers. 1. Still married. 2. Axe murderer. 3. Grifter who has twenty different aliases. 4. Vegan.
Tara: Vegan? Really? That’s a deal-breaker?
James: I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t eat meat.
Tara: I feel like there’s a dirty joke somewhere there.
James: There is. Which is how I know you’re not okay. I swear if you tell me, Iwon’t hold anything against you. You can trust me.
