Page 23 of The Swiping Game
I take a deep breath. Can I do this? I’ve never told anyone about the situation Brad left me in, other than Tawny. I only ever tell friends who ask that we drifted apart. I’ve always been too embarrassed to tell anyone the whole story.
I know James means well when he says that he won’t think of me differently, but he will. I know it. How could he not? Over these past few days we’ve grown close. Hell, I’ve probably told him things that I don’t think even Tawny knows about me. And every time I see a message from him, I get that fluttery feeling in my stomach.
I like this guy. I like him a lot. So much so that I’m ready to ask him if he wants to meet in person. And considering I haven’t been on a real date since my divorce, that is a big step for me.
At first, I liked just messaging. This has been the perfect speed I needed to finally get myself back out there. But if I tell him about this, will he still want to continue whatever this is?
I guess there’s only one way to find out.
Tara: Pinky swear?
James: On my grandmother’s grave.
Here goes nothing . . .
Tara: I told you I was divorced. Well, what I didn’t tell you was that not only did my husband cheat on me with his female students at Vanderbilt, he also opened more credit cards than any one man should be allowed to open, and all of them were in my name as the primary person on the account. When we divorced, he bailed and I haven’t talked to him. But, the bills all come to me. So I’ve been stuck paying off his debt for the past three years.
James: Fuck, Tara. I’m so sorry. I know that really doesn’t mean anything, but if it makes you feel better, I have the sudden urge to track down your ex and beat the living fuck out of him.
Tara: That makes two of us.
James: I’m guessing that isn’t the whole story, is it?
Tara: No.I thought I was starting to get a handle on a lot of them. I even thought that with this extra money I was going to be making covering in Neil’s office, I could pay one of them off. But then, like fucking magic, another new one showed up tonight. This one came straight from the collections office, as apparently I’m in default of payment on a card I didn’t even know existed. I need to pay two thousand dollars on it by next week, or I’ll be expecting a court summons.
I put my phone down and push back the tears that are threatening to come out. I thought I cried everything out earlier when I first opened the damn letter. And I had been in a great mood. Neil wasn’t too insufferable today. I was in the middle of having a pleasantly nice conversation with James about lobster or steak, and I had paid off all the bills this month and had a little something left. I planned on treating myself to a meal that didn’t come from the “struggle meal” category. Then the letter reared its ugly head.
It was ramen and tears for dinner again tonight. The struggle meal of champions.
I feel my phone vibrate next to me, and for a second, I almost forgot that I just told the most shameful part of my life to the first man who has made me think that I could feel anything again.
James: First off, and I need to make sure you read this carefully and really let it sink in. In no way, shape, or form does what your asshole ex-husband did reflect on you. The fact that you are putting your life on hold and sacrificing because of him is, well, not many could do that. That’s strength and grace. Something your fuckhead ex wouldn’t know if it slapped him across the face.
Well shit. Now I’m crying for a whole different reason.
James: Second, I know we are just getting to know each other. But I know in my heart of hearts that he didn’t deserve you. And you don’t deserve the shit he is leaving you with. I wish there was something I could do. Fuck, I hate this for you so much. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away.
I wipe my eyes, silently thanking whoever is listening that apparently all men aren’t asshole liars.
Tara: Thank you. It is what it is.
James: No. It shouldn’t be like that. Fuck, I wish I was there with you. Something. I feel so helpless.
I nearly drop my phone reading that last message. In the near week we’ve been talking, not once has either of us brought up seeing each other, in any way. I feel like it’s been this big elephant in our respective rooms. I figured like me, he had a reason he was comfortable keeping the conversation like this.
But is he ready for something more as well? Do I say something? Do I wait for him to say something? What is the protocol here? I am very out of my element, and Tawny isn’t here for me to rant to.
I’m so in my head that when my phone vibrates, I nearly drop it from the shock. When I pick it up, I’m almost worried about what it’s going to say. Because at this point, I’m officially freaking out.
James: Did I overstep? I know we haven’t talked about meeting, so what I said could have come out of nowhere.
I take a breath, doing my best to calm down.
Tara: No, you didn’t overstep. Actually, I was just thinking that maybe
Oh shit. How do I say this?DoI say this? Fuck, this online dating thing is hard.
James: Thinking what? Did you hit send too early again?
