Page 59 of Montana Falls
Before I could say anything other than a slew of curses, the door to the café opened, and the others filed out. Theywere laughing about something; the sound cutting through the morning quiet. Price had his arm slung over Misha’s shoulder, and Sapphire was shaking her head at them both, amused but clearly still in high spirits. Even Logan was smirking as he nursed the rest of a travel mug of tea, his feelings of death not enough to mess with his mood.
I wished I was still like them.
I wished I didn’t understand why Lincoln had been freaking out.
“Damn, it’s cold.” Misha said, glancing down the street as he pulled his jacket tighter around himself. “You guys okay?”
Lincoln immediately slipped back into his usual easygoing self, giving a nod. “Yeah, all good. Just freezing my ass off whilst the princess takes her time to whip out her debit card.”
Sapphire flashed us both a grin as she playfully poked Linc’s forehead with the tip of her wickedly sharp bloodred nails.
“Did you get hypothermia waiting for me,El Diablo? You both look just as hot as normal.”
I forced a smile, falling into the usual banter and pretending that everything was fine.
“We’re just about to turn into ice cubes, but other than that, we’re good.”
As we all climbed into the car and settled in, I couldn’t stop thinking about Lincoln’s words. About the look on his face, the way his voice had changed when he mentioned John. I wanted to talk to him. Ask more questions and sit and debate everything under the sun until our voices were sore.
I wanted to prove John as a liar… but I couldn’t. Because just like Lincoln had said. It sounded insane. It was entirely ridiculous.
But it made sense the longer I thought about it. And nothing else I could think of to try and force the point to be wrong worked.
Nothing would work, no matter how hard I tried…
Fuck.
Chapter Nineteen
Nothing felt right. The moment I stepped out of the car, feet crunching on the twigs on the drive, there was an instant sort of knot inside my stomach that promised that I would not feel the same about my home as I had when I had left it. It was empty and wrong, and not just because some aggravating gangsters had clearly tried to break in, failed, and then chose to vandalise the outside with a bit of spray paint and beer cans that would be easily cleaned.
There was nothing but memories of ghosts in the walls and I had no idea how my brother had headed straight inside, the second his keys had opened up the doors. Granted, he’d been frowning and having a whispered conversation with Kody, so clearly something was wrong. But he still did it. He walked into our home without an ounce of hesitation, Logan and Kody following, Price only hovering in the garage for me and Sapphire to join.
I stood outside. On the grass. In the quiet.
At least I was quiet for a single second.
“It’s never going to feel like it used to.” Sapphire’s voice was soft as she linked her hand with mine and I felt the cool touch of her rings. “There will be a weirdness when you are inside and it will not be pleasant,papi. But you can do it. You are brave.”
“Yeah? You think so?” I swallowed the lump in my throat as I stared at my family home that was now missing one important member of my family.
She nodded and tucked a piece of her short silver hair behind her ear. “I sometimes forget my mama is not home and half expect to hear her heels on the floor or have her dancing in the kitchen. Then I remember she will never do it again and it hurts.”
“Does it hurt just as much each time you go home? Or does it get better?” I wondered.
“Better.” She promised. “As the years go by, I like those memories more than I hate them. They remind me that she lived once – that she was laughing and happy. I still miss her, but I can think of her without crying so hard.”
“So I need to just man up and go inside.” I could do that. Easy.Right?
“If you want to. Or we can sit outside forever and become friends with some wormy things.” She squeezed my hand. “You are also a man, regardless of what you do. Men do not have to be brave all the time. Sometimes they can cry and be scared and not want to confront their ghosts. It means nothing other than that you are human.”
“I can go inside. I think.”
“Then we can go; it will be fine, trust me.” She pulled my hand, encouraging me to head inside if I wanted, but still leaving me more than easily able to stop her.
I didn’t.
I let her lead me into the garage, the smell of petrol and various chemicals like home in my nose. I let her take me up the stairs, not even hesitating on any of the steps as Price followed, offering me a soft smile like he knew exactly what I felt.
