Page 28 of Nothing To Lose
I scoff. "You could say that."
"What's bothering you, Tyler? Just because I'm interested doesn't mean anything has to happen. If you're not interested–"
"I'm interested," I'm quick to interject.
Isaac chuckles. "Okay, but if you're not ready, that’s okay. Not only have you been through a lot recently, but we don’t really know each other. I like you, and I'll like getting to know you at any pace. There's no pressure."
How do I explain myself without coming across as a complete loser?
"I like you, too. I'm just…" I take a breath. "I'm not very experienced."
His eyes search mine, and I try not to show how mortified or vulnerable I'm feeling. "I just… I kind of live in my own little world. If I'm not in a book, I'm on the computer. I have, like, one real-life friend, and we barely hang out. I've always been this way, on top of being a skinny nerd. I haven't exactly had a lot of chances to bewithanyone."
"What about that guy you were on a date with?"
The thought of Guy Montague and the likelihood that I won't be able to avoid him forever makes me feel nauseous. "He's no one. An intern at my father's firm that he's been trying to push on me for a year. Guy's dad is a senator. I think my dad saw an opportunity to put one of my biggest failings to use. I finally agreed to the date just to get him off my back."
“I’m only here as a favor to your father. He’s whoring you out for connections. I bet he wouldn’t care what I do to you. He’d give you to me, and you’ll be my own personal cum dumpster.”
"Wait, the guy's name isGuy?" He makes a funny face, then returns to the conversation. "You said your 'biggest failing'? What does that mean?"
"My father isn't homophobic, necessarily. It’s just another way that I don't fit in or meet the status quo. If I was gay but also athletic or assertive or interested in the same things he is, I don't think it would be as much of an issue."
Isaac hums, sounding unimpressed, but if my father were here in front of us, he'd understand. Talon Valdin is a force to be reckoned with. He demands attention and respect by his presence alone, even without speaking. Once he does speak, he can talk anyone into a corner. There's a reason he's as successful as he is. I've seen powerful men cower, politicians roll over, and lesser men practically pee themselves when faced with the full force of my father's attention.
Over the years, I've learned the best way to deal with him is to limit our interactions, to balance his path with my own until I can stand on my own two feet. One thing I'm not is dumb. I'm going to make the most of my education for as long as I can, and hopefully plan a future we can both tolerate.
"So how many more dates will you go on because he tells you to?"Despite Isaac’s gentle tone, the question immediately rubs me the wrong way. He holds up a hand. "Sorry. Let me rephrase. How much influence does he have on your personal life? For instance, what kind of reaction would he have to you dating someone like me?"
"Someone like you?"
He spreads his hands out, as if to imply something obvious. "You're out of my league, Tyler. I'm a part-time blue-collar grunt with nothing but what you see to my name. I put every cent of my entire life's savings into leasing this place, and I'm fixing it up myself because I can't afford to hire out for it. I quit school at fifteen and got my GED so I could work on the same rig that killed my dad. I'm a loser, Tyler. Even if this place succeeds, my family will continue barely scraping by, the same way their families did before them. It's in my blood. It's written on my skin, in the way I dress, in the roughness of my hands. Can you really say he'd approve of you spending time with someone like me?"
My stomach tightens. He’s right. Not about being a loser, he's anything but. He's right that my father wouldn't approve because of how he'd perceive the way Isaac looks and the way he lives.
"I don't care what he thinks. Because that's not what I see." Scooting forward, I take one of his hands in mine, turning it over and brushing my fingers over his palm. He shivers, and it makes me feel brave. "I like the roughness of your hands, because they show how far you've come and how hard you're willing to work for a better future, not just for yourself, but for your family. You've sacrificed everything for them, and even now, this dream you’re following is still about supporting them.”
Swallowing my nerves, I keep going, because I might as well get this all out.
“You are probably the most beautiful man I've ever laid eyes on," I say honestly. “But that beauty is on the inside as well as outside. I've never met anyone like you. You say you have nothing to your name, yet you were willing to share what you have with a stranger. You saved me, not just from a potentially worse fate when you chased that guy away, but when you stayed by my side and cared for me." Pausing, I take a breath, looking at our hands intertwined together. "I'm nothing like you. I'm not bigger on the inside like you are. I'm not brave or selfless or even pretty to look at. I'm just a twenty-three-year-old loser who's never touched or so much as kissed another person.I don't have anything to offer you other than what you see. If you ask me, you're the one who's out of my league."
I press my lips together, hoping to stem the flow of word vomit. I don’t know how he's not running for the hills. He hasn't moved or pulled away. He's watching me with a look so intense, I feel exposed to my bones.My blood is rushing so forcefully through my veins that I’m in danger of falling out again.
When he does speak again, his voice is hoarse and serious, his words slow and deliberate.
"Can I kiss you?"
My eyes pop open wide and stay that way until I have to blink because the air stings. He moves in closer, his hand slowly coming up to cup my cheek.
"Tyler?"
"Yes," I breathe. "Yes."
Instinctively, my tongue moves to wet my bottom lip. He brushes the rough pad of his thumb gently over the moisture, spreading it and staring at my mouth like it might have the answers to all his problems.
Before I can say please, he dips his head and presses his lips to mine. It's slow and chaste at first, letting me get used to the sensation of my lips brushing against someone else’s. Then his lips move, coaxing mine to follow, and I inch closer to him to get more, like I might try crawling inside his mouth. His tongue, warm and wet, teases the seam of my lips, and I open for him on a gasp. A violent shiver of unexpected pleasure shoots down my spine at the barest touch of his tongue against mine, and I forget how to breathe. I feel iteverywhere.
Goose bumps break out over the entirety of my skin, from my scalp, down the back of my neck, all the way to my calves. I'm simultaneously too hot and too cold, wanting to move in closer, to fuse our skin together and never breathe again if it means coming up for air. Whereas I was initially afraid to move, letting him take the lead and just experiencing it, now I find myself moving without thinking. My hands are on his chest, behind his neck, then in his hair, encouraging him closer. I'm falling backwards on the sofa, pulling him with me. He pulls back before we end up horizontal, holding himself above me and breathing almost as hard as I am. His lips are red and wet and make me want things on a visceral level.
