Page 43 of Honeysuckle
“The one day of the year where everyone is forced to pay attention to him for hours on end,” Dean said, coming up behind us and sitting down on the log beside me. “Last time we lucked out because Clem showed up and we didn’t see him for twelve hours after.”
“We fucked on every surface at the stadium and then got French fries.” Cael grinned lecherously, and I scowled back.
“That’s a disgusting overshare,” I said.
“I could go into detail, Logan. If you think that was an overshare, you have no idea,” Cael hummed and Dean practically growled.
“Not tonight,” he said, before Arlo could get the words out.
“Mine’s this,” Dean said from beside me. “I know it’s not a holiday, but these weeks out here with you guys. It’s my favorite time of the year.”
“Awe, Deano,” Van purred with his eyes still closed, but it confirmed that he was still awake enough to pay attention to the conversation.
“It’s just better out here, away from everything and everyone. The last few years have been rough on us; we all know it even when we’re ignoring the truth. This season won’t be much different. The second the world finds out that you have a gay captain, our lives are going to get harder.”
No one flinched from the sudden change in conversation except for me.
I had known of the whispers about Dean and Cael, it had been obvious for a long time that there was something there. And Cael Cody, for all his trouble, had never once hidden who he was as a person. He had flirted with me throughout our entire friendship… But to hear Dean Tucker, six foot something, two hundred and fifty pounds of sunshine, first baseman and captain of one of the best team in the NCAA, say it out loud and with no shame or remorse… something stirred inside of me.
“But we have what it takes to win this season, to prove to everyone in Harbor that you can break us down, switch us around, throw us in the dirt, but we're always going to get back up again. It’s who we are,” he added, looking around at everyone. “I know it’s a lot to ask for you guys to have my back this season with more than just baseball,” he started and was cut off.
“You don’t have to ask,” Van said, his eyes cracking open and every player that sat around the fire in one form or another confirmed with a nod or a tap to the chest.
“We already knew you were Bi, Tucker,” Louis said.
“Not Bi… Louis. Gay. Full gay,” Dean said like he was choking on the words.
“We’re a family, Tucker, and as long as you stop fucking rival players in the back of my truck, I don’t care where you stick your dick.” Van filled the awkward silence that followed.
Everyone laughed, and Cael shrugged, almost like he knew Dean was worried about the outcome of the conversation long before it had started.
“Gay Captain has a nice ring to it. You think when we win the series back to back, they’ll make it the headline?” Todd asked, and Dean laughed.
So simple was the decision to protect Dean from the world that I envied how quickly they all jumped to shield him from the realities of homophobia in male-led sports.
He was right about one thing; it would make everything a lot harder the second word got out about his sexuality. I knew it intimately, only, yet again, I was alienated by the way the Hornets handled it. No horrible jokes or slurs were rolling off their tongues. Only acceptance and love.
I had worked hard to hide my own sexuality from the world, from the Lorettes, but every secret has an expiry date, and the moment Ian saw the texts on my phone from my recent interests, I knew that trouble would follow.
It had taken him less than a week to corner me.
Less than five minutes for him to have me shoved up against a wall with my back exposed to him and no way out.
No more than thirty seconds for him to strip away every ounce of my remaining dignity,leaving me back in my bedroom, begging every boyfriend my mother had brought home to stop. It was like I had been locked in my own mind with my nightmares. Ian had no idea what he’d done, not really. Maybe I had snapped that day, gone too far, but he’d deserved every ounce of anger that flooded from me.
The only thing I wanted to remember from that night was how strong I felt.
It consumed me.
The scars on my knuckles from that night stung.
“You alright?” Dean’s voice broke through the veil.
“Yeah,” I answered. Turning to look at him, and finding that I hated the green in his eyes and how soft the hues became every time he looked at me. At first I thought it was pity or sympathy but now I understood the look and it terrified me. “Just tired.”
I pushed off the log and made my way to the cabin.
This time, Dean didn’t follow me, and I wasn’t sure if I was grateful—or disappointed.
