Page 127 of Just (Fake) Married
“Did she know?” Carter said, and I nodded. More swearing from the cowboy gallery.
“No wonder she fucking left you, you asshole,” Tag said. “You were already out the door.”
“Yeah, you have no reason to be mad at her. I’m surprised she stuck around as long as she did,” Carter said, looking away from me, disgusted. Which was fine, I was disgusted with myself.
“I asked her if she would consider visiting me,” I said, like that was anything to be proud of. “Maybe we could figure out a situation that would work for both of us.”
“For a guy who is so smart, you sure are stupid,” Carter said.
Mac stood up, wiping his wet hands on his jeans. The sun came streaming through the leaves and as he walked towards me he moved through shadow and light. While I knew my brother was a man, I guess I never really stopped thinking of him as a boy.
“Do you love her?” he asked.
I didn’t know what to say. I’d never been in love. I’d never actually seen love in action, except for Carter and Lilly, and that love had just been a fact. A thing we grew up with. A known entity. What I felt for Harmony was surprising and wild and all-consuming.
Distracting.
Being a surgeon took all of my focus, almost all my energy. How could I be a surgeon and be in love with Harmony? How would that work? Could it? I didn’t want to give her a fraction of my life – she deserved more.
“I don’t know.”
“That’s a chicken shit answer,” Mac said, speaking to me like he had all the wisdom in the world when it came to love.
“Then tell me what’s a good answer,” I yelled, frustrated by him, and Tag and Carter acting all holier than thou when they had their own heads up their asses. “I’m a surgeon. That’s my life. That’s what I do and it’s who I am. So how does a woman like Harmony fit? Tell me?”
“A woman like Harmony doesn’t fit anywhere. A woman like Harmony is your life,” Carter said. He pulled up another fish and took it off the hook like we weren’t having a conversation about my life right now. “The rest of that shit fits around her.”
Being a surgeon didn’t fit around anything. I wiped my face. All these years, I never talked about my job with my brothers and maybe I should have. Because they were all looking at me like they just didn’t get it. College, med school, internships, residencies and specializations. The shit sandwich I had to eat almost daily from my boss because that’s how departmental hierarchies worked.
“I thought you liked working at the clinic?” Tag asked.
“Sure. Of course. But it’s like…a vacation, you know?”
“No,” Tag said. “I don’t know. Explain to me how helping people and saving a woman’s life is a vacation.”
“It’s simple. It’s easy. It’s…borderline fun.”
“And that’s bad?” Carter asked.
“It’s not what I do.”
“It’s what you’re doing now,” Tag said. “A job like that and getting into bed every night with Harmony Calloway? Sounds like a sweet deal to me,” he whistled, and I felt a jealous rage like I’d never felt before. If I left would Tagdateher?
“What the fuck, Tag?” I shouted. “That’s my wife.”
“Your wife in name only,” Mac said. “The second she becomes ex-Mrs. McGraw she’ll be back out there on the market.”
I didn’t like that. Of course I didn’t like that.
“You know,” Carter said. “Dad is dead. There’s nothing left to prove to him anymore.”
I blinked. Shifted my feet. Kicked the tent bag.
“This isn’t about Dad,” I said, even though I knew, judging by the way I wanted to punch Carter, that wasn’t entirely true.
“This has always been about Dad,” Carter said with a laugh, and everyone nodded with him. “You can relax and enjoy your life instead of trying to impress a dead man. The only person you’re hurting is yourself.”
“And Harmony.” Tags words hit me square in the chest. What would it be like to enjoy my job? To not play games and kiss asses and climb ladders? What would it be like to talk to my patients every day instead of operating on them as they slept?
